For Landlady: Concerning tardiness

[Nick]

Barman contends that you are always late for things. Mrs Nick is the same.

He thinks it's a "need" to be late. I think it is a disability. He suggested I ask you to explain.

Off you go. Oh and the wedding started half an hour ago.

[Barman]

[Nick]

They have now consummated the marriage and you missed it. Enjoy the end of the disco

[Snoopy]

  This may explain a growing trend toward having a Wedding, followed by a "Reception" followed by an "Evening Do". I have been pondering why people feel the need for this arrangement but now I see ~ it is to allow for all the late comers.

[Barman]

This may explain a growing trend toward having a Wedding, followed by a "Reception" followed by an "Evening Do". I have been pondering why people feel the need for this arrangement but now I see ~ it is to allow for all the late comers.

Snigger 

[Nick]

Well, "does her bum look big in that?"

My advice: Say NO

[Barman]

Well, "does her bum look big in that?"

My advice: Say NO

No. 

[Nick]

It does then!!

Liposuction NOW

[Bikini Girl]

As our Landlady is obviously busy (getting ready for a wedding or any such event can be a tad stressfull) making herself look her best so as not to show up our barman ( who obviously does not appreciate the effort she is taking on his behalf) I shall step in and defend her.

It is all very well for you men who have a choice of Formal aka Posh (DJ or Tux) Dressed (Suite and tie) Smart (Slacks and Blazer) Smart Casual (Trousers and Polo shirt) Casual ( Jeans and sweatshirt of short sleved shirt ) Normal (first thing you put your hands on in the morning) or Scruffy (Ripped jeans, Shorts <shudder> or Working clothes [which you never change in to to work for some strange reason]).

Your other half has a problem Formal (Ballgown, etc. Well how formal is it exactly? don't want to be overdressed nor for that matter underdressed. needs several changes of outfit to be sure that the first one chosen is still the most appropriate...you just don't understand and as for accessories just don't go there, No you cannot wear shoes with floaty dresses you need a selection of sandals) Dressed (Nightmare -should that be a coctail dress, suit, dress and coat,  it is so difficult) Smart Casual (What! Err... HELP) Casual (well perhaps Jeans but what if someone else has a dress on ...Oh.. Er...) Normal (There is no such thing)  Scruffy (Nope, don't understand the term) Working clothes ( Ah Yes ...What we put on when we are cleaning the house and gardening, so we do not ruin our Best Clothes) 

As you can see we have to change several times a day. If we work we have to go in looking smart, we have to change when we come home so as not to ruin the work clothes, but if we want to pop out to the shop, we have to change again into someting else incase someone we know sees us in out Working Clothes. Back home change again. Out for a meal or the the theater, Oh another change.

It is OK for you guys, you don't think twice about tinkering under the bonnet of an oily car in a new white shirt, or gardening in light chino's.

It is a hard life, and if only our wardrobes were smaller or better organised, it would not take so long...   

[Barman]

[Nick]

(Suite and tie)

Like a 3 piece you mean?

[Snoopy]

It does then!!

Liposuction NOW

My answer to the "does my bum look big" question has been honed over the years.
I now reply by placing a hand on the aforementioned arse and suggesting that she is making me feel randy by showing it to me. 

This usually has the effect of getting her out of the door, into the car and off up the road in 12 seconds or less. On the odd occasion when this ploy doesn't have the desired effect I get me leg over. A win win if ever there was one.

[Nick]

Good plan. But that would make her even later for work!

[Snoopy]

Good plan. But that would make her even later for work!

If she leaps back into the bed ~ call in sick!

[Nick]

WHich of us?

I can't believe I said that!