According to the Radio

[Barman]

I've solved my problems ~ had a bidet installed ~ sorts the old Farmers out a treat. 

What, they wash their boots in it? 

Pretend stupidity is neither big nor clever ~ just 'cos you gorran itch 

The boys have renamed the bidet ~ much to their big sister's disgust.
One calls it "The Willy Washer" and the other refers to "The Bum Bath"
14YO Sister says they are GROSS!

[Misunderstood]

But only after you had waited 6 days to get an appointment ~ because the doctor is too busy to take phone calls

What???   There is an epidemic of people swallowing suppositories?     Takes all sorts...

6 weeks later.  Hi doc, I had a problem.  I swallowed this.  [putting the soggy sup into his/her hand-yuk]  what next?    My husband/wife says I have verbal diarrhoea, do you suppose it's connected?

[Berek]

Believe it or not i've shoved a few up in my time, Infact I caused quite a stir at work when I wrote in our communication book that staff had been inserting them the wrong way up and in future could they please ensure that they insert the other way.. this even led to someone phoning the local surgery to ask a doctors advice.

Bear in mind that we are all trained, so they should have known I was joking, who says the NHS employs idiots..?