Hypothetical problem (possibly)

[Nick]

Say, hypothetically, that you were house and cat sitting in London for 3 weeks and while you were away you were vaguely aware that a mad woman with a JCB might turn up at your empty flat and dig up your garden and concrete over it, perhaps. What preautions would you take?

Hypothetically?

[Barman]

Say, hypothetically, that you were house and cat sitting in London for 3 weeks and while you were away you were vaguely aware that a mad woman with a JCB might turn up at your empty flat and dig up your garden and concrete over it, perhaps. What preautions would you take?

Hypothetically?

I'd chuck the cat in the hole before she concreted it over! 

[Nick]

Wot cat?

[Barman]

Wot cat?

The one you are sitting on...

[Nick]

But that cat (and me) are in London, not here 

[Barman]

But that cat (and me) are in London, not here 

Take the cat back to Nottingham - you can then either put it in the hole or prevent the hole being dugged...

Simples! 

[Nick]

By the time I get the call it will be a tad late to capture a cat and drive from Dulwich to Nottingham. I don't think you are taking this seriously 

[Barman]

By the time I get the call it will be a tad late to capture a cat and drive from Dulwich to Nottingham. I don't think you are taking this seriously 

What call...?

[Nick]

Poppy the Cat. (Bertie has emigrated)

[Barman]

Poppy the Cat. (Bertie has emigrated)

Wha?

[Nick]

Anyway, I have to take prawns to make friends   

My lovely thread

[Uncle Mort]

You'll have to get someone to house sit your house whilst you're house sitting the cat's house.

[Nick]

    You could be right 

[Steve]

You'll have to get someone to house sit your house whilst you're house sitting the cat's house.

Someone little with Italian (= mafia obviously) connections?

How about Nick sends madwoman photos of said garden and says they're from his webcam linked to a security company?

And what Nick should definitely NOT do is tell people on a public web site that he is going away for 3 weeks

oops

[Grumpmeister]

I'm guessing that you are talking about the mad freeholder who is trying to get rid of your garden. Seeing as you have been told that should it go to court you are pretty much guaranteed to win she has probably been told the same by her solicitor and if she knows you are going to be away it sounds like she may be trying to force the issue by getting rid of it before you get back. With that in mind you could always have your solicitor send her a letter stating that photographic evidence of the current state of your garden has been taken and any act of vandalism carried out against said garden will result in legal action being taken.

In the long term I'd suggest keeping half an eye out for somewhere else to live and then should somewhere suitable crop up getting the hell out of there.