Olympic Committee to bring back combat sport
The IoC, always searching for new sports to excite the eager masses, has voted to bring back lions v. Christians combat for 2020.
“These combat sports were enormously popular in the Classical era and we feel that with the current resurgence of religious fervour around the world it is time to bring them back,” said IoC spokesman, Ilario Anibalido.
The plan is to construct a large amphitheatre and invite mobile evangelists of all nations, Jehovah’s Witnesses and Mormons in the first instance, and pit them against lions and crocodiles. Obviously, prayer and book waving will be scored, but it is the unarmed combat that will determine the outcome.
“We expect the beasts to be victorious after a protracted period of entertaining combat. It will make great TV and also delight many victims of door knocking activities who are heartily sick of being bothered by god botherers.”
In due course the IoC plan to extend the sport to members of ISIS who will be pitched against Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses and tigers, providing that suicide vests (which are unfair) are banned.
“We need a level playing field, and think that international evangelists of all persuasions should enter combat with one another and with alarming animals and display their skills before the world’s TV audiences.”
In future years there are plans to flood the arena to re enact great naval conflicts. The UK v. various European nations gunfight may finally determine the true outcome of the Brexit vote, especially if we sink the French and beat the Germans again.
