Yet another IT engineering joke

[Snoopy]

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'"

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice - the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."

[Bar Wench]

 

[The Moan Ranger]

Not all teccies are like that. Mrs TMR is an absolute angel and regularly benefits from my attentions to her box 

[Snoopy]

Not all teccies are like that. Mrs TMR is an absolute angel and regularly benefits from my attentions to her box 

I think the jury would rather hear that testimony from the lady in question.

[tel]

Are computers males or females? You decide.

TOP 5 REASONS WHY COMPUTERS MUST BE MALE:

They're heavily dependent on external tools and equipment.

They periodically cut you off right when you think you've established a network connection.

They'll usually do what you ask them to do, but they won't do more than they have to and they won't think of it on their own.

They're typically obsolete within five years and need to be traded in for a new model. Some users, however, feel they've already invested so much in the damn machine that they're compelled to remain with an under powered system.

They get hot when you turn them on, and that's the only time you have their attention.

FIVE REASONS COMPUTERS MUST BE FEMALE:

No one but their creator understands their logic.

Even the smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."

As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

[tel]

? Tech Support: "What version of the Mac OS are you using?"
Customer: "Word 6.0."

? Tech Support: "What browser are you using, Netscape or Microsoft?"
Customer: "Netscape."
Tech Support: "Could you read to me what it says at the top of the window?"
Customer: "'Global Travel Conference - Microsoft Internet Explorer'."

? Tech Support: "Are you installing on a Mac?"
Customer: "No, I'm using a 3.5" thingee on a disk."

? Tech Support: "This has Windows 98 on it -- did it have Windows 98 or 95 on it when it was sent out for repair?"
Customer: "I think it had Office 97."

? Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"
Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"

? Customer: "I keep getting an error message whenever I try using the MSDOS mode in Windows 95."
Tech Support: "Can you describe what happens?"
Customer: "Well, I keep getting a black screen with an error message saying, 'C:\WINDOWS>'."

? Tech Support: "which drive is your CD ROM?"
Customer: "the top one."

? Customer: "Do I hit 'F' and '8' at the same time?"

? Tech Support: "Your password will be...a small 'a' as in apple, a capital 'V' as in Victor, the number '7' "
Customer: "Is that a capital '7'?"

? Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case letters..."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."

[Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)]

And another one:

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into the Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out.

He began circling around looking for a landmark. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with a guy working alone on the fifth floor. He banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy, "Hey where am I?"

The man replies, "You're in an airplane." The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to perform a perfect blind landing on the airport runway 5 miles away.
Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out. The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it.

"Quite easy," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore, that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just five miles due East."

There are lots more to be found on this site if you like - it's probably easier than copy/pasting them!

[Snoopy]

Trouble is it is all a bit like shooting fish in a barrel don't you think?

[Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)]

Trouble is it is all a bit like shooting fish in a barrel don't you think?

Indeed it is Snoops, indeed it is. Especially with users like this one:

A plain computer illeterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS.
Letme know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you ! the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

[Snoopy]

 

Have a clap for that one.

[tel]

[Snoopy]

Beats that F'in' paper clip

[Barman]

Beats that F'in' paper clip

There is no 'f' in paperclip... 

[Snoopy]

Beats that F'in' paper clip

There is no 'f' in paperclip... 

I know ~ the f'in' kids keep taking them 

[Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)]

Beats that F'in' paper clip

There is no 'f' in paperclip... 

I know ~ the f'in' kids keep taking them 

No, no, no! The f'in paperclip is silent like the p in swimming. Didn't you two know that?