1. The phone rings
Is that Stoke lock
Yes
Good, I need to speak to you
Speak away
We were planning to come up to the lock, pass through and spend the night on your topside moorings
Fine!
But we aren't
What do you mean?
We have changed our plans and we are staying here!
Where
(Names next lock down)
So what are you telling me?
That we have no plans to come through your lock
Um, so why do I need to know this?
Because we had planned to but now we aren't
Did I know of this plan?
No, but it is a matter of courtesy!
2. As you approach the lock do beware of the sandbar which is liberally covered in flourescent markers
OK!!
Boat careers through orange buoys on sandbar, destroying 6 and getting the anchor chain of a 7th wrapped around its propeller
They manage to get to the riverbank and set about untangling the chain
2 hours later they call: The gear box is damaged and we plan to continue our journey in reverse.
They enter the lock backwards and set off for Nottingham going backwards all the way (6 miles?)
3. Monsoon starts. A little boat arrives and the inhabitants set off into the nearby woods for a naked BBQ
