Growler: Swamp or Patio?

[GROWLER]

There are just too many jokes in there for me to even start. 

You WON'T be laughin' when WE'VE got a donkey, and you haven't.

Apart from keeping the grass down, I could organise donkey rides like Blackpool beach has.

'The Sawmp' donkey rides.  
Got a nice ring to it that.  

Another first in Wirral.

Will it need a shelter thing, and a trough, and are they fairly low maintainence like I've been led to believe?

[Nick]

WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
We want a PUB DONKEY

[GROWLER]

WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
We want a PUB DONKEY

Apart from grass, what do they eat?

Better ask the boss man too I suppose, and will you be able to 'look after it' when i go away next month?
What'll Mrs Nick say, when you say you are just nippin' out to feed the donkey?

[Snoopy]

Which may well involve further insurance and a long conversation with (a) your landlord and (b) your local authority over licences etc. Proceed with caution ~ it's a grand idea but there will be hoops to be jumped through. Contrary to popular myth this is not a free country.

[GROWLER]

Which may well involve further insurance and a long conversation with (a) your landlord and (b) your local authority over licences etc. Proceed with caution ~ it's a grand idea but there will be hoops to be jumped through. Contrary to popular myth this is not a free country.

Stuff the rides then, I'll simply start up a 'sponsor the donkey.'

[Bar Wench]

Caring for your donkey

http://www.wikihow.com/Care-for-a-Donkey

Donkeys put on weight easily, so be careful with the treats. Carrots are ideal as are vegetable scraps (exclusive of green potatoes), and the odd filling-free cookie is okay. Check with your vet about dietary supplements; these may be recommended depending on the soil type, etc. of your particular region. A salt/mineral licking-block can be helpful but check with your vet first.

Hay ? early season cut hay is the most nutritious. Donkeys adore hay but they should be encouraged to eat pasture most of the time except when it is winter or they have dental problems.
Chaff ? a mixture of grass, straw finely cut; some chaff has molasses added, giving it a very distinctive odour, especially after it is chewed! If you can afford chaff with additions that target hooves, coats, etc., you may want to investigate the options available. Chaff tends to be suitable for older donkeys with teeth troubles, convalescing donkeys and nursing donkeys.
Freeze-dried grass ? make sure it is pesticide-free and never feed a donkey grass clippings as the type of grass may be harmful to the donkey.
Protein pellets/cubes? these pre-made pellets contain essential nutrients; they're useful for nursing mothers with foals or for donkeys living through very cold winters that might need a boost. Otherwise, this feed is too rich for everyday purposes. ???Never??? substitute with pellets meant for a different animal (e.g. poultry pellets); some pellets contain meat and this is poisonous to donkeys.
Mixture of oats, oat bran and corn. Don?t give the oats alone ? these are too rich for a donkey; make sure that you mix the three products and don?t give more than a handful of this every day.
 
Mmmm, carrots!Carrots?- what ungulate (hoofed animal) doesn?t love a carrot?!--and other donkey-appropriate food for your region (ask your veterinarian or local feed stockist). 

So basically it is the same as looking after a horse that is out to pasture and not working.

[Nick]

WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
We want a PUB DONKEY

Apart from grass, what do they eat?

Better ask the boss man too I suppose, and will you be able to 'look after it' when i go away next month?
What'll Mrs Nick say, when you say you are just nippin' out to feed the donkey?

Carrots

[Snoopy]

Which may well involve further insurance and a long conversation with (a) your landlord and (b) your local authority over licences etc. Proceed with caution ~ it's a grand idea but there will be hoops to be jumped through. Contrary to popular myth this is not a free country.

Stuff the rides then, I'll simply start up a 'sponsor the donkey.'

  HM Inland Revenue, Charity Commissioners, RSPCA ~ Oh dear. I'm only saying think it through.

Best way is have a donkey that the kids can see, feed and pet ~ much like having a pony in a field really but if money is involved somebody, somewhere will have a "rule" and want a share. You could try offering a Donkey Sanctuary a place to put their collection tin. Then they deal with the Charity Commissioners etc.

[GROWLER]

WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
WE WANT A DONKEY
We want a PUB DONKEY

Apart from grass, what do they eat?

Better ask the boss man too I suppose, and will you be able to 'look after it' when i go away next month?
What'll Mrs Nick say, when you say you are just nippin' out to feed the donkey?

Carrots

Pellets and oats too. Big bags of carrots are cheap enough from the horse/donkey shop iirc.

[GROWLER]

Which may well involve further insurance and a long conversation with (a) your landlord and (b) your local authority over licences etc. Proceed with caution ~ it's a grand idea but there will be hoops to be jumped through. Contrary to popular myth this is not a free country.

Stuff the rides then, I'll simply start up a 'sponsor the donkey.'

  HM Inland Revenue, Charity Commissioners, RSPCA ~ Oh dear. I'm only saying think it through.

Best way is have a donkey that the kids can see, feed and pet ~ much like having a pony in a field really but if money is involved somebody, somewhere will have a "rule" and want a share. You could try offering a Donkey Sanctuary a place to put their collection tin. Then they deal with the Charity Commissioners etc.

Stuff that then. They get enough out of me already.

Tourist attraction only. Come stroke and feed the donkey and put a quid in the 'charity tin'

[Nick]

Back to the idiot at the Pony Sanctuary then. I think Jenny may have a spare donkey that we could rent!!

Rent-A-Donkey? The world has gone mad!

[Snoopy]

Back to the idiot at the Pony Sanctuary then. I think Jenny may have a spare donkey that we could rent!!

Rent-A-Donkey? The world has gone mad!

Do you know that female Donkey's are known as Jennies?

[Bar Wench]

You can't feed a donkey on just carrots! 

[Snoopy]

http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=1438.msg26877#msg26877

I can't be bothered to say it twice.

[Nick]

You can't feed a donkey on just carrots! 

Advice welcome, this is getting serious.

I have named him already.

And yes, Growler, Mr Norks will need a trough.