Start the week

[Nick]

Usual faffing marathon. 8.20 the bin lorry arrives and gets stuck in the lane by our house. Mrs Nick informs me that I should move my car to let it past. Off I go. Binman says, "Oh no, your car is fine. It's that red one that''s the problem." It's Mrs Nick's car oddly parked.

I ask her for the keys. Huge and futile hunt ensues. I eventually find them under a cushion (why?)

Off I go to move her car and notice that there is a long scrape along its side.

Inform binman, who denies it and then go and inform her. As I left for school with The Boy she was out in the road in pyjamas ( ) waving her arms about and shouting. Next door's overchatty decorator (curse him) was joining in. Now that I am back  I see that the bin man has fled the area (evidence: all bins beyond our house uncollected) folliwing his encounter with Mrs Nick  .

She is still ranting and I have been handed the phone to field the calls from the council.

Now she informs me that overchatty decorator will be doing some work on our house today (when was that arranged?) . He has done work here before. He offers a constant running commentary on work in progress and demands I go and look at what he is doing every five minutes. Bastard.

And it's only 9.20!

Oh, and she woke me up at 2.30 this morning to remind me that it is school photograph day. Why?

[Snoopy]

S.N.A.F.U. 

[Nick]

I am waiting to discover how all this is my fault.

[Barman]

I?ve had a good day so far. 

Been to Limassol, picked up my ID card, went to the jewellers and was pleasantly surprised by the cost of the repair to Mrs. Barman?s bracelet and he?d put a battery in my watch for free.

Then I went to the DIY shop and bought painting bits, then a nice ?early starter? type breakfast. Stopped-off at the village shop for provisions and then home.

Mind you,. I still have to traverse the trench to reach the house and I?m painting the ceiling this afternoon.

What could possibly go wrong? 

[Nick]

Quite a lot in my experience.

[Barman]

Quite a lot in my experience.

Fingers crossed then? 

[Nick]

The post has just come. Mrs Nick made a mistake on her Self Assessment for tax.

She owes them ?3000!!

She has gone spare!

I am going out for a bit..............................

[Bar Wench]

 

[Nick]

She has gone to work and now some more f*cking roofers have turned up and the chatty workmen is talking to them.

Will everyone shut up and leave me alone!!

And now she has come back (having forgotten something) and they are all chatting about her car scrape!

[Nick]

What is going on?

The handbrake on Mrs Nick's car stuck. Found her in tears SHOUTING AT THE CAR!

My mobile [phone died. Called the company and they will send me a new one. INterminable effing conversation about what I want it to do. "I want to make and receive calls". "Well, the new Motorola X445678944t2 has an integral MP3 player, video facility, smart flip top..."

"DOES IT MAKE CALLS?"
"Yes"
"SEND IT THEN"
"Tuesday?"
"NO I AM OUT ALL DAY TOMORROW"
"Wednesday?"
"Yes. I shall be here all day."

5 minutes later. Phone call.

"We need you at a meeting all Wednesday afternoon"

WTF Is going on today?

RIGHT

This is definitely planned. Another phone call. Someone I was at University with in 1980 and have seen 5 times since has just called. "I am here briefly from Taiwan and thought it would be nice to see you, perhaps for lunch." "That's tricky. How long are you here for?" "Just till Wednesday, but I will be near you this evening. Perhaps I could drop in. About 6?"

"Yes."

"Any chance of a bite to eat?"

I was so amazed I said yes.

The greedy bastard has invited himself for dinner!"

[Snoopy]

Mental vision of Mrs Nick "Doing a Basil"

[Nick]

It was very much like that.

Pissing with rain here so all workmen have cleared off.

And tomorrow: All day Appeal (Boy) with solicitors etc. We are after blood! (especially after this morning)

How much more can a man take?

[Miss Demeanour]

God bless you Nick - you always make me feel better 

I am having a day of One to One's with my staff who all have to go through their 'Workstyle questionairres'. Save me now 

The Council is empowering people to work from home - in other words , saving office space, renting that out to the private sector, not having to pay the same leccy bills and the list goes on.

I started with the first one this morning - who also happened to be the Union Shop Steward - thinking after that it could only get easier. Two fffing hours he wanted to discuss the issues for - 3 more to do and I can't wait.

[GROWLER]

I'll be passing yours later, so wondered if I could pop in for a chat over a cuppa and piece of fudge cake p'raps? 
Don't suppose you could spare me a fifty snotters for a couple of days too could you?
I'll take you to the bank if you like.

[Nick]

Drop in by all means. At your own risk, of course.