Mrs Wench: the truth

[Mr Wench]

At last.  I have taken a sicky today and am home alone, surrounded by tat, and making my virgin post here.  Be gentle with me.

My life is a nightmare.  Every day she comes home with candles, cushions, tat and fish, and often wool.

She fails to understand the Welsh.  Why? My needs are simple, but involve none of the above items.

She is eating me out of house and home.  I have to spend £30 a week on chocolate.  SHe eats it like a Dyson.

I am a prisoner in my own half house.  Please help!

[Sour Puss]

   You are not Mr Wench... You are an impostor. There was not a hint of a Welsh Accent in that post.   

Which bridge does your mother live near?  Bet you cannot answer that.   

[Nick]

It seems very odd. But then again..........

[Misunderstood]

 

Hmmm.  Are you REALLY Mr. Wench?  Or are you Wenchy in disguise looking for a way into the 'Boys Room'?

In what minute was the first goal scored by Cardiff City in their FA Cup win?

That'll sort her out... 

[Bar Wench]

I can't answer it either!  

Man-flu again.  

[Nick]

He is making a break for freedom from wool and fish. I recommend the Human Rights Act.

[Bar Wench]

Hmmm.  Are you REALLY Mr. Wench?  Or are you Wenchy in disguise looking for a way into the 'Boys Room'?

In what minute was the first goal scored by Cardiff City in their FA Cup win?

That'll sort her out... 

It's a trick question as there was only one goal.  

It isn't me.  

[Sour Puss]

I can't answer it either! 

Man-flu again. 

Yes you can     Think village name.

[Nick]

Bang to rights. Poor Mr Wench. Are you there Mr Wench? Calling Mr Wench. Come in, over.

[Bar Wench]

I can't answer it either! 

Man-flu again. 

Yes you can     Think village name.

That's a bridge.   Kerist I really do need to start paying more attention.  

[Misunderstood]

Ahem...

You are supposed to change BACK to the Mr. Wench identity before answering the question I asked him.

 

[Sour Puss]

   We may be on a slight tangent...    I remember you once mentioning a nearby village that I used to frequent.  Twas a bit obvious though. 

[Bar Wench]

Ahem...

You are supposed to change BACK to the Mr. Wench identity before answering the question I asked him.

 

Ahhhh, but it isn't me. I was just pointing out that even I knew the answer to that as any self respecting poor person that lives with a Cardiff fan would.

[Mr Wench]

All that talk about football is just a ruse.  Every fourth weekend she chains me to the hoover, and later the oven, and makes me do stuff round the house.  I generally hoover up pants and stuff, wool when I get the chance, but I can't sneak it all to the dump because she won't let me drive.  She thinks it will give me "too much liberty". 

She is a tyrant.  A tyrant with a tat mountain.  She knits my trousers.  I am a laughing stock at school.  I sneak real clothes out of the house when she isn't looking and change en route.

Has anyone got the number of the BFhelpline? Esther Rantzen let me down when I called her.

HELP!

[Misunderstood]

Ahem...

You are supposed to change BACK to the Mr. Wench identity before answering the question I asked him.

 

Ahhhh, but it isn't me. I was just pointing out that even I knew the answer to that as any self respecting poor person that lives with a Cardiff fan would.

But... But You DIDN'T answer the question.