My neighbours

[Nick]

Appear to be party animals. They moved in about a year ago next door but three and have a thing about loud music. This morning it went on till 2.00! My windows were rattling. I imagine Snoopy may have heard it over in Wales

It's a flat, and I can't figure out which number it is so it is tricky to go and "have a word " with them.

Any suggestions?

[Snoopy]

Contact the council and complain ~ let them sort it out .... that is what they are paid to do. Meanwhile when the enforcement orders start flying you can nod sympathetically to your neighbours and complain, in the pub, about interfering council jobsworths. The best of all possible worlds IMHO.

[Berek]

either that or send the boys round 

[Nick]

I now learn he is a taxi driver. The council will do nothing until I have attempted to resolve the matter with him myself.

[Pastis]

That's nonsense. If you phoned the police and told them you were going round there with a shotgun...

The council should have a noise / nuisance dept. They do here.

I had a noise problem here yesterday; scaffolding next door with an alarm fixed. What happens? A bloody squirrel jumps out of a tree and sets it off 

[Nick]

That's nonsense. If you phoned the police and told them you were going round there with a shotgun...

The council should have a noise / nuisance dept. They do here.

I had a noise problem here yesterday; scaffolding next door with an alarm fixed. What happens? A bloody squirrel jumps out of a tree and sets it off 

If I did that I would, of course, get arrested! We all know this to be true. I have the Council guidance before me.

1. Try to resolve it amicably (fat chance)
2. Arrange for our Noise Officer to come round and monitor the distrubance. OH yes, like I can call him at 1.00 a.m. and get him here in 10 minutes.

[Landlady]

Have a party - invite the neighbours causing the problem to it - have the music at your party playing VERY VERY LOUD but turn it off COMPLETELY at midnight (which I think is the official witching hour which most people say is an acceptable party noise measure) and say VERY LOUDLY

Okay then nite nite neighbours - party and music OVER because we don't want to be TOTAL BAR STEWARDS to our other neightbours do we???????????

Cunning plan or what ?????????????? 

[Nick]

No. I don't want that much noise in my house (it would prolly collapse) and I don't want it full of greasy cabbies either.

NEXT!

[Uncle Mort]

Far too subtle LL, try a halfbrick through a window.

[Landlady]

No. I don't want that much noise in my house (it would prolly collapse) and I don't want it full of greasy cabbies either.

NEXT!

Okay 2nd suggestion - Next time your pussy cat has a duvet accident  post it through there letterbox and then they'll be soooooooooooooooooooooo disgusted that they will move 

[Landlady]

Far too subtle LL, try a halfbrick through a window.

Isn't that a bit half hearted 

[Nick]

It's a fourth floor flat.

NEXT!

[Landlady]

It's a fourth floor flat.

NEXT!

Okay - third suggestion (I start charing from number 4) - get a group of your friends to (from different telephone boxes to avoid traceability is important here) to call him for taxi services constantly between the hours of 10 pm and 4 am (yes it does stretch friendship a little far but if they truly love you they will do this for you) but obviously no one is waiting at the assigned pick up points (otherwise that would be stupid) and then he'll be soooooooooooo tired and fed up he'll just come home and fall in bed and sleep until midday the next day 

I am soooooooooooo totally brilliant - aren't I     

[Nick]

It's a central number for "Thunderbirds Taxis". If he is off duty he won't get called.

NEXT!

[Pastis]

"Thunderbirds Taxis"

   Snip his strings!