Agony Corner

[grumpyoldsoldier]

Hello Mr Nicky,

My friend Mr Pastry told me about you, he says you are good council clerk or somethink. . .  have good ears anyhow.

Anyhows Mr Pastry got wrong idea about Borilla, mumsy, cos she is really very bad and Asprin don't work.  But she is slep now and most for some time.

So, what's new in your life, deary, bet you go clubbing all night to look girls, naughty boy. . .  what you need is perma-wife, like we have permafrost, then you think two times about sexy dance. . .  hehe:-)
Speak me soon, big boy

Poka poka, send me pics darlink,

Olga

I am sure you are welsh, do you know Lloyd George?

[Barman]

Too right that is bloody inaccurate!

How on earth have I ended up with "showing signs of deterioration" and being told that I had better "book into the middle life crisis retreat as soon as possible"! Wrong very wrong. Pile of toss

Honest!

I?ll go through the questions if you like ? I bet the only thing that let me down was admitting to competing with children? 

[GROWLER]

Honest!

Cars 'for sale' 'round the back are they?

[Barman]

Honest!

Cars 'for sale' 'round the back are they?

Cars no... cheap booze and fags. 

[ice and a slice]

Honest!

Cars 'for sale' 'round the back are they?

Cars no... cheap booze and fags. 

Great - I'm there, how much for a bottle of decent plonk my good barman?

[Barman]

Honest!

Cars 'for sale' 'round the back are they?

Cars no... cheap booze and fags. 

Great - I'm there, how much for a bottle of decent plonk my good barman?

Cheap I said ? not ?decent?? 

[ice and a slice]

Honest!

Cars 'for sale' 'round the back are they?

Cars no... cheap booze and fags. 

Great - I'm there, how much for a bottle of decent plonk my good barman?

Cheap I said ? not ?decent?? 

Battery acid?  Hmmm...I'll give it a miss then  "life is too short for bad wine" as they say!

[Nick]

Hello Mr Nicky,

My friend Mr Pastry told me about you, he says you are good council clerk or somethink. . .  have good ears anyhow.

Anyhows Mr Pastry got wrong idea about Borilla, mumsy, cos she is really very bad and Asprin don't work.  But she is slep now and most for some time.

So, what's new in your life, deary, bet you go clubbing all night to look girls, naughty boy. . .  what you need is perma-wife, like we have permafrost, then you think two times about sexy dance. . .  hehe:-)
Speak me soon, big boy

Poka poka, send me pics darlink,

Olga

This is the closest I can find here recently to some sort of plea for advice, though it is somewhat oblique. Olga, my dear, so I prescribe cold showers and vodka.

NEXT

[Grumpmeister]

Too right that is bloody inaccurate!

How on earth have I ended up with "showing signs of deterioration" and being told that I had better "book into the middle life crisis retreat as soon as possible"! Wrong very wrong. Pile of toss

 

On the grounds of personal safety I'm not touching that one with a barge pole 

[Bikini Girl]

Try this

http://www.midlife-crisis-retreat.com/diagnosis

Any more Russian Girls? Ask away!

 

 

Test Results
You scored 6 out of 23

You've done ok but you're starting to show signs of deterioration

You may find yourself wanting to wear bandanas, or you could get the urge to have your ears pierced.

Just to be on the safe side we'd advise you to book into the Midlife Crisis Retreat as soon as possible. It's a centre where you can get any midlife urges out of your system before they start. Then you can happily get on with the rest of your life.

After that you'll always be in the right state of mind to appreciate the finely engineered and refined features of the Volkswagen Passat.   

[Bar Room Bore]

Hello Mr Nicky,

My friend Mr Pastry told me about you, he says you are good council clerk or somethink. . .  have good ears anyhow.

Anyhows Mr Pastry got wrong idea about Borilla, mumsy, cos she is really very bad and Asprin don't work.  But she is slep now and most for some time.

So, what's new in your life, deary, bet you go clubbing all night to look girls, naughty boy. . .  what you need is perma-wife, like we have permafrost, then you think two times about sexy dance. . .  hehe:-)
Speak me soon, big boy

Poka poka, send me pics darlink,

Olga

Olga

I am your man!

I am Desmond Bore. Dot is no more. Dot is, er, away. let us meet and frolic. Our time has come. This is the new detente!!


How do you like my delphiniums?

 

[Uncle Mort]

Best of luck Des, You'll need it.

[Nick]

I think they may sort each other out, one way or another!

[Darwins Selection]

I think they may sort each other out, one way or another!

Can't be arsed to look up the names, but the Hitchikers guide male/female clones seem a likely parallel.

Lintilla was it? One of you geeks will know.

[Nick]

And tell me, DS, how are you and GOB getting on these days. A little tiff perhaps? We should be told!