Disgusterous

Author Topic: Agony Corner  (Read 110954 times)

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Offline Snoopy

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Re: Agony Corner
« Reply #240 on: July 01, 2007, 01:31:04 PM »
Dear Aunty Nick,
The weather is unseasonably hot here and I?m wondering if one of my neighbours has perhaps left their TV on standby or even taken an unnecessary journey in a motor vehicle?
What should I do?  confused2:
Ignore her.
Sit in your fridge
If you want the rest of the family to eat the food out of the fridge and not throw it away, Anusol is a better bet.
I don't have piles!  cussing:

OK, so sticking your bum in the fridge is a cure, but not socially acceptable.

It is also the quickest way I know to end up with polaroids. drumroll:
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline Barman

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Re: Agony Corner
« Reply #241 on: July 01, 2007, 01:37:51 PM »
Dear Aunty Nick,
The weather is unseasonably hot here and I?m wondering if one of my neighbours has perhaps left their TV on standby or even taken an unnecessary journey in a motor vehicle?
What should I do?  confused2:
Ignore her.
Sit in your fridge
If you want the rest of the family to eat the food out of the fridge and not throw it away, Anusol is a better bet.
I don't have piles!  cussing:

OK, so sticking your bum in the fridge is a cure, but not socially acceptable.

It is also the quickest way I know to end up with polaroids. drumroll:
worthy:
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Offline Snoopy

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Re: Agony Corner
« Reply #242 on: July 01, 2007, 02:46:08 PM »
Dear Aunty Nick,
The weather is unseasonably hot here and I?m wondering if one of my neighbours has perhaps left their TV on standby or even taken an unnecessary journey in a motor vehicle?
What should I do?  confused2:
Ignore her.
Sit in your fridge
If you want the rest of the family to eat the food out of the fridge and not throw it away, Anusol is a better bet.
I don't have piles!  cussing:

OK, so sticking your bum in the fridge is a cure, but not socially acceptable.

It is also the quickest way I know to end up with polaroids. drumroll:
worthy:

Aw Shucks It wasn't that original.  redface:
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

The Coffin Dodger

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Re: Agony Corner
« Reply #243 on: July 01, 2007, 06:02:13 PM »
I have an infestation of toads.  What can I do about them?

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Agony Corner
« Reply #244 on: July 01, 2007, 06:22:18 PM »
I have an infestation of toads.  What can I do about them?
Put them in the fridge once Barman gets his lardy buttocks out of there. whistle:



Welcome BTW, mine's a Talisker. ;D
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Offline Nick

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Re: Agony Corner
« Reply #245 on: July 01, 2007, 07:50:51 PM »
I have an infestation of toads.  What can I do about them?

Buy and then use a shotgun
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Offline Barman

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Re: Agony Corner
« Reply #246 on: July 02, 2007, 05:33:11 AM »
I have an infestation of toads.  What can I do about them?
Put them in the fridge once Barman gets his lardy buttocks out of there. whistle:



Welcome BTW, mine's a Talisker. ;D
Not so much of the lardy...  cussing:

Oh and welcome Dodger - Bishop's Finger perhaps?
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Offline Grumpmeister

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Re: Agony Corner
« Reply #247 on: July 03, 2007, 06:32:37 PM »
Swans are my problem, not vultures.

OK?

Not any more, Nick has success with his new bird befriending costume....

« Last Edit: July 03, 2007, 06:39:52 PM by Grumpmeister »
The universe is run by the complex interweaving of three elements. Energy, matter, and enlightened self-interest.

Offline Barman

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Re: Agony Corner
« Reply #248 on: July 03, 2007, 07:45:04 PM »
Swans are my problem, not vultures.

OK?

Not any more, Nick has success with his new bird befriending costume....


The Boy? eeek:
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Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Agony Corner
« Reply #249 on: July 04, 2007, 08:20:38 AM »
Swans are my problem, not vultures.

OK?

Not any more, Nick has success with his new bird befriending costume....


The Boy? eeek:
Obviously not.
The duckling would be running away.
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Offline Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)

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Re: Agony Corner
« Reply #250 on: July 04, 2007, 10:00:42 AM »
Swans are my problem, not vultures.

OK?

Not any more, Nick has success with his new bird befriending costume....


The Boy? eeek:
Obviously not.
The duckling would be running away.

Duckling! Duckling? That's no bloody duckling! At least, not like any I've ever seen! And you a self-professed turkey man. You should know better DS.

This is a duckling:



Look at the legs (you usually do so I'm told) - you'll see they're completely different.

Though, on the other hand, it could be a Sellafield duckling or one of Olgas from the Chernobyl region.
"Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end." 

Well, someone had to say it!

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Agony Corner
« Reply #251 on: July 04, 2007, 10:19:09 AM »
I should perhaps have included the word 'ugly'?
I mostly despair

Offline Bar Wench

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Re: Agony Corner
« Reply #252 on: July 04, 2007, 10:47:26 AM »
I should perhaps have included the word 'ugly'?

No because everyone knows that the ugly duckling was actually a cygnet.  ::)


Offline Barman

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Re: Agony Corner
« Reply #253 on: July 04, 2007, 11:34:09 AM »
I should perhaps have included the word 'ugly'?

No because everyone knows that the ugly duckling was actually a cygnet.  ::)


It was?  eeek:
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Offline Bar Wench

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Re: Agony Corner
« Reply #254 on: July 04, 2007, 11:40:11 AM »
There once was an ugly duckling
With feathers all stubby and brown
And the other birds said in so many words
Get out of town
Get out, get out, get out of town
And he went with a quack and a waddle and a quack
In a flurry of eiderdown
That poor little ugly duckling
Went wandering far and near
But at every place they said to his face
Now get out, get out, get out of here
And he went with a quack and a waddle and a quack
And a very unhappy tear
All through the wintertime he hid himself away
Ashamed to show his face, afraid of what others might say
All through the winter in his lonely clump of wheat
Till a flock of swans spied him there and very soon agreed
You?re a very fine swan indeed!
A swan? Me a swan? Ah, go on!
And he said yes, you?re a swan
Take a look at yourself in the lake and you?ll see
And he looked, and he saw, and he said
I am a swan! Wheeeeeeee!
I?m not such an ugly duckling
No feathers all stubby and brown
For in fact these birds in so many words said
The best in town, the best, the best
The best in town
Not a quack, not a quack, not a waddle or a quack
But a glide and a whistle and a snowy white back
And a head so noble and high
Say who?s an ugly duckling?
Not I!
Not I!