Yipee!

[TG]

Looks like this place will struggle to compete!

http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30400-1289379,00.html

 

[Barman]

Looks like this place will struggle to compete!

http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30400-1289379,00.html

 

[Snoopy]

At about 10.20 one Sunday evening, in the days when I ran a pub, a man came into the bar and ordered a "Britvic" orange juice. He watched me ring it on the till and complained loudly that he could buy a litre of Orange Juice in the local Waitrose for less than I charged him for a small bottle. He became quite offensive in fact DEMANDING that I justify the price to him. I must have been in a good mood because I explained, quite politely, that supermarkets had a different buying policy and were able to negotiate cost prices far below what any wholesaler would give me in return for my order of 36 bottles of orange juice per week. He still ranted on about me being a robber and a cheat.
Egged on by my regulars I then explained that if indeed he could persuade Waitrose to sell him his small bottle of orange juice, at 10.30 pm on a Sunday, pour it into a glass for him, provide him with a table at which to sit whilst he consumed it, a carpet for him to traipse his muddy shoes all over, an ash tray for his cigarette ash, a musician playing in the corner for his entertainment and above all get the proprietor to stand and listen to his stupid remarks then and only then would he be welcome to return.
He got very stroppy at this point so I pointed him in the direction of the door. he refused to leave DEMANDING to know what rights I had to tell him to leave. I was about to explain the law regarding licensed premises and my right to evict him from them when two of the local Rugby team appeared at his side. Stupidly he asked them if they thought I had any reason to throw him out. "Oh yes" replied our team captain "he can tell you to leave because you are pissing me off" and they picked him up and ran for the door. Another member of the club opened the door just in time and the now ex-customer flew through the air until he hit the wall on the far side of the car park.
He returned the next day with a policeman and 36 members of the local community swore blind he had never set foot in the place. 

The reason for telling you all this? ~ I don't give a toss what supermarkets charge because if I want to go to the pub that is where I will go. It has nothing to do with price.

[Barman]

At about 10.20 one Sunday evening, in the days when I ran a pub, a man came into the bar and ordered a "Britvic" orange juice. He watched me ring it on the till and complained loudly that he could buy a litre of Orange Juice in the local Waitrose for less than I charged him for a small bottle. He became quite offensive in fact DEMANDING that I justify the price to him. I must have been in a good mood because I explained, quite politely, that supermarkets had a different buying policy and were able to negotiate cost prices far below what any wholesaler would give me in return for my order of 36 bottles of orange juice per week. He still ranted on about me being a robber and a cheat.
Egged on by my regulars I then explained that if indeed he could persuade Waitrose to sell him his small bottle of orange juice, at 10.30 pm on a Sunday, pour it into a glass for him, provide him with a table at which to sit whilst he consumed it, a carpet for him to traipse his muddy shoes all over, an ash tray for his cigarette ash, a musician playing in the corner for his entertainment and above all get the proprietor to stand and listen to his stupid remarks then and only then would he be welcome to return.
He got very stroppy at this point so I pointed him in the direction of the door. he refused to leave DEMANDING to know what rights I had to tell him to leave. I was about to explain the law regarding licensed premises and my right to evict him from them when two of the local Rugby team appeared at his side. Stupidly he asked them if they thought I had any reason to throw him out. "Oh yes" replied our team captain "he can tell you to leave because you are pissing me off" and they picked him up and ran for the door. Another member of the club opened the door just in time and the now ex-customer flew through the air until he hit the wall on the far side of the car park.
He returned the next day with a policeman and 36 members of the local community swore blind he had never set foot in the place. 

The reason for telling you all this? ~ I don't give a toss what supermarkets charge because if I want to go to the pub that is where I will go. It has nothing to do with price.

What he said!

[TG]

What's the pub got to do with anything?  I like a drink in the pub when it suits me but I like a drink at home as well. Plus when all the friggin' freeloaders turn up at Xmas I can fob 'em off with 30p lager. 

I'm off to B&Q to buy a wheelbarrow. 

[Darwins Selection]

Quite so you two.

Who in their right mind would sit at home with their feet up, swilling 30p a pint beer, when they could come in here and pay £2.50 a pint and enjoy the witty banter and congenial company of mine host and the regulars?

 

[Barman]

Quite so you two.

Who in their right mind would sit at home with their feet up, swilling 30p a pint beer, when they could come in here and pay £2.50 a pint and enjoy the witty banter and congenial company of mine host and the regulars?

 

Oh... that was sarcasm wasn’t it? 

[Darwins Selection]

Quite so you two.

Who in their right mind would sit at home with their feet up, swilling 30p a pint beer, when they could come in here and pay £2.50 a pint and enjoy the witty banter and congenial company of mine host and the regulars?

 

Oh... that was sarcasm wasn’t it? 

If you say so.   

[Barman]

Quite so you two.

Who in their right mind would sit at home with their feet up, swilling 30p a pint beer, when they could come in here and pay £2.50 a pint and enjoy the witty banter and congenial company of mine host and the regulars?

 

Oh... that was sarcasm wasn’t it? 

If you say so.   

[grumpyoldsoldier]

At about 10.20 one Sunday evening, in the days when I ran a pub, a man came into the bar and ordered a "Britvic" orange juice. He watched me ring it on the till and complained loudly that he could buy a litre of Orange Juice in the local Waitrose for less than I charged him for a small bottle. He became quite offensive in fact DEMANDING that I justify the price to him. I must have been in a good mood because I explained, quite politely, that supermarkets had a different buying policy and were able to negotiate cost prices far below what any wholesaler would give me in return for my order of 36 bottles of orange juice per week. He still ranted on about me being a robber and a cheat.
Egged on by my regulars I then explained that if indeed he could persuade Waitrose to sell him his small bottle of orange juice, at 10.30 pm on a Sunday, pour it into a glass for him, provide him with a table at which to sit whilst he consumed it, a carpet for him to traipse his muddy shoes all over, an ash tray for his cigarette ash, a musician playing in the corner for his entertainment and above all get the proprietor to stand and listen to his stupid remarks then and only then would he be welcome to return.
He got very stroppy at this point so I pointed him in the direction of the door. he refused to leave DEMANDING to know what rights I had to tell him to leave. I was about to explain the law regarding licensed premises and my right to evict him from them when two of the local Rugby team appeared at his side. Stupidly he asked them if they thought I had any reason to throw him out. "Oh yes" replied our team captain "he can tell you to leave because you are pissing me off" and they picked him up and ran for the door. Another member of the club opened the door just in time and the now ex-customer flew through the air until he hit the wall on the far side of the car park.
He returned the next day with a policeman and 36 members of the local community swore blind he had never set foot in the place. 

The reason for telling you all this? ~ I don't give a toss what supermarkets charge because if I want to go to the pub that is where I will go. It has nothing to do with price.

Bloody OUTSTANDING Sir, we are not worthy.
 

[Snoopy]

One of the funniest things I ever saw from behind the bar was one Carnival Night ... Our boozer was just next to the field where the procession gathered and thus we got all the early trade. The procession then .... err .... processed around the town and returned to the field at about 10pm. Most people came in for a pint or six before the start and then we went quiet for the evening until the procession returned and it was manic until we closed ~ late licence that night too. There were 14 pubs in the town and the carnival route took them all in so by the time the crowds got back to us they were all well p*ssed.
This particular night the place was going like a steam train and a little old man, wearing a green trilby, came to the bar. When I got to serve him I realised he was covered in vomit. Hat, shoulders etc covered in all the usual, Tomatoes, diced carrot, sweetcorn ..... I'm sure you know what I mean.
"What can I get you?" I enquired
 "I don't want a f*cking drink" he screamed "some b@st@rd has just puked all over me in your gents" ~ What could I do or say?
I weakly offered him a bar towel to clean himself with at which point a 6'3" "Rocker" named Paul appeared behind him and called to me "Giz a pint Guv".
The little man in the green hat turned and looked up at Paul then turned back to me "That's the b@st@rd that did this to me" he howled.
I looked at Paul and said "Paul ~ did you do this?"
Paul looked down at the little old man and with all the gravitas that only a professional drunkard can muster said "Funny ~ I don't remember eating him".

[Barman]

One of the funniest things I ever saw from behind the bar was one Carnival Night ... Our boozer was just next to the field where the procession gathered and thus we got all the early trade. The procession then .... err .... processed around the town and returned to the field at about 10pm. Most people came in for a pint or six before the start and then we went quiet for the evening until the procession returned and it was manic until we closed ~ late licence that night too. There were 14 pubs in the town and the carnival route took them all in so by the time the crowds got back to us they were all well p*ssed.
This particular night the place was going like a steam train and a little old man, wearing a green trilby, came to the bar. When I got to serve him I realised he was covered in vomit. Hat, shoulders etc covered in all the usual, Tomatoes, diced carrot, sweetcorn ..... I'm sure you know what I mean.
"What can I get you?" I enquired
 "I don't want a f*cking drink" he screamed "some b@st@rd has just puked all over me in your gents" ~ What could I do or say?
I weakly offered him a bar towel to clean himself with at which point a 6'3" "Rocker" named Paul appeared behind him and called to me "Giz a pint Guv".
The little man in the green hat turned and looked up at Paul then turned back to me "That's the b@st@rd that did this to me" he howled.
I looked at Paul and said "Paul ~ did you do this?"
Paul looked down at the little old man and with all the gravitas that only a professional drunkard can muster said "Funny ~ I don't remember eating him".

[grumpyoldsoldier]

One of the funniest things I ever saw from behind the bar was one Carnival Night ... Our boozer was just next to the field where the procession gathered and thus we got all the early trade. The procession then .... err .... processed around the town and returned to the field at about 10pm. Most people came in for a pint or six before the start and then we went quiet for the evening until the procession returned and it was manic until we closed ~ late licence that night too. There were 14 pubs in the town and the carnival route took them all in so by the time the crowds got back to us they were all well p*ssed.
This particular night the place was going like a steam train and a little old man, wearing a green trilby, came to the bar. When I got to serve him I realised he was covered in vomit. Hat, shoulders etc covered in all the usual, Tomatoes, diced carrot, sweetcorn ..... I'm sure you know what I mean.
"What can I get you?" I enquired
 "I don't want a f*cking drink" he screamed "some b@st@rd has just puked all over me in your gents" ~ What could I do or say?
I weakly offered him a bar towel to clean himself with at which point a 6'3" "Rocker" named Paul appeared behind him and called to me "Giz a pint Guv".
The little man in the green hat turned and looked up at Paul then turned back to me "That's the b@st@rd that did this to me" he howled.
I looked at Paul and said "Paul ~ did you do this?"
Paul looked down at the little old man and with all the gravitas that only a professional drunkard can muster said "Funny ~ I don't remember eating him".

Roared at that! A well deserved 

[Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)]

One of the funniest things I ever saw from behind the bar was one Carnival Night ... Our boozer was just next to the field where the procession gathered and thus we got all the early trade. The procession then .... err .... processed around the town and returned to the field at about 10pm. Most people came in for a pint or six before the start and then we went quiet for the evening until the procession returned and it was manic until we closed ~ late licence that night too. There were 14 pubs in the town and the carnival route took them all in so by the time the crowds got back to us they were all well p*ssed.
This particular night the place was going like a steam train and a little old man, wearing a green trilby, came to the bar. When I got to serve him I realised he was covered in vomit. Hat, shoulders etc covered in all the usual, Tomatoes, diced carrot, sweetcorn ..... I'm sure you know what I mean.
"What can I get you?" I enquired
 "I don't want a f*cking drink" he screamed "some b@st@rd has just puked all over me in your gents" ~ What could I do or say?
I weakly offered him a bar towel to clean himself with at which point a 6'3" "Rocker" named Paul appeared behind him and called to me "Giz a pint Guv".
The little man in the green hat turned and looked up at Paul then turned back to me "That's the b@st@rd that did this to me" he howled.
I looked at Paul and said "Paul ~ did you do this?"
Paul looked down at the little old man and with all the gravitas that only a professional drunkard can muster said "Funny ~ I don't remember eating him".

Roared at that! A well deserved 

I well recall hearing a similar story in the past, only in that case it were a little dog who got vommed on in the bar. The owner then said to the vommer: "Did you do that?" To which the vommer replied: "I don't remember eating one of those!"

[Darwins Selection]

One of the funniest things I ever saw from behind the bar was one Carnival Night ... Our boozer was just next to the field where the procession gathered and thus we got all the early trade. The procession then .... err .... processed around the town and returned to the field at about 10pm. Most people came in for a pint or six before the start and then we went quiet for the evening until the procession returned and it was manic until we closed ~ late licence that night too. There were 14 pubs in the town and the carnival route took them all in so by the time the crowds got back to us they were all well p*ssed.
This particular night the place was going like a steam train and a little old man, wearing a green trilby, came to the bar. When I got to serve him I realised he was covered in vomit. Hat, shoulders etc covered in all the usual, Tomatoes, diced carrot, sweetcorn ..... I'm sure you know what I mean.
"What can I get you?" I enquired
 "I don't want a f*cking drink" he screamed "some b@st@rd has just puked all over me in your gents" ~ What could I do or say?
I weakly offered him a bar towel to clean himself with at which point a 6'3" "Rocker" named Paul appeared behind him and called to me "Giz a pint Guv".
The little man in the green hat turned and looked up at Paul then turned back to me "That's the b@st@rd that did this to me" he howled.
I looked at Paul and said "Paul ~ did you do this?"
Paul looked down at the little old man and with all the gravitas that only a professional drunkard can muster said "Funny ~ I don't remember eating him".

Roared at that! A well deserved 

I well recall hearing a similar story in the past, only in that case it were a little dog who got vommed on in the bar. The owner then said to the vommer: "Did you do that?" To which the vommer replied: "I don't remember eating one of those!"

It was a cartoon in Punch or similar. Circa 1980.