Only in this country

[Grumpmeister]

Couldnt believe this when I heard it on the news this morning, the bonfire celebration has been banned in Guy Fawkes home town because of the health and safety mob. So you are telling me that you cant arrange a bonfire with a safe area around it? What are you going to ban next because you cant arrange it properly, the annual brewery piss up?

LONDON (Reuters) - A bonfire celebration in York, the home town of Guy Fawkes, has been banned on health and safety grounds, the local council said on Tuesday.

Thousands were due to attend the spectacle on the 402nd anniversary of Fawkes' failed plot to blow up parliament.

But York City Football Club was told their ground was too small to ensure spectator safety, a decision which left the head of the cathedral city's tourist board "lost for words."

York Council's head of licensing, Dick Haswell, declined to be interviewed on Tuesday.

But in an emailed statement he defended the decision, saying it was made on health and safety grounds.

"Because the football club was proposing to hold a firework display in a certified sports ground, legally, they had to apply to York's Safety at Sports Advisory Group for a Special Safety Certificate," he said.

"Unfortunately the ground was not large enough to provide the necessary distance between the area where fireworks could fall and spectators."

The chief executive of York Tourism Board, Gillian Crudass, said she was "lost for words" at the council's decision.

"We are very much disappointed because it is a British tradition," she told Reuters.

"It attracts a lot of interest not just from local people, but also from visitors from all around the country who come for a short break -- as well as international interest."

A spokesman for the football club declined to comment.

Guy Fawkes was born in April 1570 in Stonegate, York and was in charge of executing the Roman Catholic plot to blow up parliament and the protestant King James 1 during the state opening of parliament on November 5, 1605.

The plot was uncovered at the last minute and Fawkes was caught and executed early in 1606.

[Barman]

 

I was reading the other week that Xmas lights would be difficult this year because of H & s worries.

The nanny state really has taken hold hasn’t it?

The bizarre thing is that once they’ve finished all this lot – bonfire night, smoking, booze, Christmas lights, dangerous horse chestnut trees, etc. everybody will be as safe as is humanly possible with no risk to their lives whatsoever…

…then they’ll go into hospital for a routine operation and die of some bizarre infection ‘cos they can’t be bothered to get a mop out.

[Darwins Selection]

I was reading the other week that Xmas lights would be difficult this year because of H & s worries.

The nanny state really has taken hold hasn’t it?

The bizarre thing is that once they’ve finished all this lot – bonfire night, smoking, booze, Christmas lights, dangerous horse chestnut trees, etc. everybody will be as safe as is humanly possible with no risk to their lives whatsoever…

…then they’ll go into hospital for a routine operation and die of some bizarre infection ‘cos they can’t be bothered to get a mop out.

Or take a rucksack on the tube after putting on too much fake tan.

[Barman]

I was reading the other week that Xmas lights would be difficult this year because of H & s worries.

The nanny state really has taken hold hasn’t it?

The bizarre thing is that once they’ve finished all this lot – bonfire night, smoking, booze, Christmas lights, dangerous horse chestnut trees, etc. everybody will be as safe as is humanly possible with no risk to their lives whatsoever…

…then they’ll go into hospital for a routine operation and die of some bizarre infection ‘cos they can’t be bothered to get a mop out.

Or take a rucksack on the tube after putting on too much fake tan.

Okay...

…then they’ll go into hospital for a routine operation and die of some bizarre infection ‘cos they can’t be bothered to get a mop out or take a rucksack on the tube after putting on too much fake tan.

[Darwins Selection]

I was reading the other week that Xmas lights would be difficult this year because of H & s worries.

The nanny state really has taken hold hasn’t it?

The bizarre thing is that once they’ve finished all this lot – bonfire night, smoking, booze, Christmas lights, dangerous horse chestnut trees, etc. everybody will be as safe as is humanly possible with no risk to their lives whatsoever…

…then they’ll go into hospital for a routine operation and die of some bizarre infection ‘cos they can’t be bothered to get a mop out.

Or take a rucksack on the tube after putting on too much fake tan.

Okay...

…then they’ll go into hospital for a routine operation and die of some bizarre infection ‘cos they can’t be bothered to get a mop out or take a rucksack on the tube after putting on too much fake tan.

Or live in a house built last year on Boggy Meadow, 50 feet below sea level.

[Barman]

I was reading the other week that Xmas lights would be difficult this year because of H & s worries.

The nanny state really has taken hold hasn’t it?

The bizarre thing is that once they’ve finished all this lot – bonfire night, smoking, booze, Christmas lights, dangerous horse chestnut trees, etc. everybody will be as safe as is humanly possible with no risk to their lives whatsoever…

…then they’ll go into hospital for a routine operation and die of some bizarre infection ‘cos they can’t be bothered to get a mop out.

Or take a rucksack on the tube after putting on too much fake tan.

Okay...

…then they’ll go into hospital for a routine operation and die of some bizarre infection ‘cos they can’t be bothered to get a mop out or take a rucksack on the tube after putting on too much fake tan.

Or live in a house built last year on Boggy Meadow, 50 feet below sea level.

Ahem... 

Okay...

…then they’ll go into hospital for a routine operation and die of some bizarre infection ‘cos they can’t be bothered to get a mop out or take a rucksack on the tube after putting on too much fake tan or live in a house built last year on Boggy Meadow, 50 feet below sea level. 

It doesn’t have quite the same comedic ring to it tho does it? 

[chuntering again]

We seem to be overlooking the crux of the issue - that it is somehow deemed "unsafe" to hold an organised bonfire at a public sports ground, yet perfectly OK for charvers and hoodies to run around the streets terrorising people for 6 weeks every year.

[Barman]

We seem to be overlooking the crux of the issue - that it is somehow deemed "unsafe" to hold an organised bonfire at a public sports ground, yet perfectly OK for charvers and hoodies to run around the streets terrorising people for 6 weeks every year.

Good point... 

…then they’ll go into hospital for a routine operation and die of some bizarre infection ‘cos they can’t be bothered to get a mop out or take a rucksack on the tube after putting on too much fake tan and get shot by the police or live in a house built last year on Boggy Meadow, 50 feet below sea level and drown or get stoned to death by a chav or hoodie while you are playing cricket with your grandson... 

[chuntering again]

We seem to be overlooking the crux of the issue - that it is somehow deemed "unsafe" to hold an organised bonfire at a public sports ground, yet perfectly OK for charvers and hoodies to run around the streets terrorising people for 6 weeks every year.

Good point... 

…then they’ll go into hospital for a routine operation and die of some bizarre infection ‘cos they can’t be bothered to get a mop out or take a rucksack on the tube after putting on too much fake tan and get shot by the police or live in a house built last year on Boggy Meadow, 50 feet below sea level and drown or get stoned to death by a chav or hoodie while you are playing cricket with your grandson... 

 

[Grumpmeister]

It was 2 chavs I saw walking back from work last night that got me. Only a few days until bonfire night and they are buggering around with a home made ballista.  

[Barman]

It was 2 chavs I saw walking back from work last night that got me. Only a few days until bonfire night and they are buggering around with a home made ballista.  

Hopefully they will have blown themselves to smithereens by now then… 

Smithereens is a nice word…

[Grumpmeister]

Didnt notice any fireworks attached to the bolts, having said that I wasnt stupid enough to hang around to examine it too closely 

[Darwins Selection]

Smithereens is a nice word…

Nicks middle name I understand....

[Grumpmeister]

Is that before or after Armageddon Darwin? 

[Barman]

Nick Smithereens Chaos Armageddon… nice ring to it.