Are we all settled now? Is Growler in bed with his Horlicks? Has Nick just taken out the entire North West? Has DS found his "Special" Goose? Has Yoda cleared his over-burdened network with the Kraut girl? (and has Wenchy stopped being "silly").
Either way, I shall continue.
Born some years ago in Balham, I grew up lucky really. Parents moved out of there to Mitcham when I was 1 and then to Sutton when I was 7, to give me (and bruv) a chance to get to one of the remaining Grammar schools. Elder brother got in, thus the pressure was on me to do the same. I did. Somehow. And it wasn't my looks. Although Yoda may argue that point...
Fast forward a decade or two and the parents who died far too early have left me (and bruv) in an odd situation. Inheriting a house, dividing it, splitting up all the family chattels etc. wasn't pleasant but neither did it leave us begging on the streets and we were both in full time work - so we realised the value of a paid job, to pay the bills that came with a mortgaged house for him and a mortgaged flat for me. The next decade is a mush of work, new relationships, Young's and just being a tax-paying PROPER member of what we now call our society.
Fast forward fifteen years.
Speed cameras. Mass cannabis use - accepted as being "everyone does it", petrol at £4.54 (ish) per gallon, charging to take your bins, no corporal punishment at school, happy-slapping, mass immigration, ASBOs, "Community Police", schools teaching "diversity" to children who were either born in the area, or who have been housed in the area and are just pleased to be out of a war-torn shit-pit. Don't worry, us proper tax payers will pay your way.
Gordon Brown, lies, spin, an increasing debt burden to those that choose to work, policeman not shooting enough illegal immigrants, Ken Livingstone, target driven education (we went to Ms TMR jr's "open evening" last week and all the teacher was concerned about was making the 95% attendance goal - she didn't have a clue how good she was at each subject...), the fact that "Acid Rain" is now called "Climate change" after its stint as "Global Warming", free prescriptions for the Welsh, the Scotch taking more than they give into the economy, the waste of time that is/was Princess Di and all her inquiries, the Beatles, speed humps that ruin my paramedic friend's back and response times, smoking outside the pub whilst screaming brats are allowed in, kids not falling out of trees or half blinding each other through playing conkers, the lack of white dog poo, text msgng replacing a glorious language, Michael O'Leary, the BBC daily Labour broadcasts, the fact that Enoch Powell's "River's of blood" speech has been so widely mis-reported, Cheam, Croydon and Banstead where the pederasts and failed gangsters live. And don't forget Ben Elton. Bastards, all of them.
And you try and tell the dribbling drug addled kids this in 2012 - they will simply think you're a bit grumpy, assuming they can converse with you in a known language of this country and aren't texting Mr Brown to get their next benefit payment...
Mrs TMR is staring at me, perhaps I've said too much...
