The all new worst Xmas pressie thread…

[The Moan Ranger]

Mrs TMR got me a blood pressure tester 

I got her an anti snoring device 

[Snoopy]

Oh Dear 

[The Moan Ranger]

TMR junior is out for the night and Mrs TMR and I have just feasted on the finest Indian cuisine in the Haweli of Belmont (only curry house open for miles around) - Mrs TMR now luxuriating in a hot scented bath, I am instructed to join in about ten minutes. Then, retire to the slumber pit, where I intend to find out other uses for the "Perfet Touch" personal massager that I also gave her 

Unless, of course, the King Prawn phall takes revenge early...

[grumpyoldsoldier]

A grow your own sheep thing, it sort of grows from crystals or sumfink, I gave it to the granddaughter

[Snoopy]

TMR junior is out for the night and Mrs TMR and I have just feasted on the finest Indian cuisine in the Haweli of Belmont (only curry house open for miles around) - Mrs TMR now luxuriating in a hot scented bath, I am instructed to join in about ten minutes. Then, retire to the slumber pit, where I intend to find out other uses for the "Perfet Touch" personal massager that I also gave her 

Unless, of course, the King Prawn phall takes revenge early...

So it could turn out to be a Happy Christmas after all. And they call me a dirty dog 

[Snoopy]

A grow your own sheep thing, it sort of grows from crystals or sumfink, I gave it to the granddaughter

Some b@st@rd always gives at least one of my children one of those "Archaeologist" kits where "buried treasures" have to be excavated from a block of what looks like stone but is some kind of plaster/sand mixture. The kid spends hours covering every surface with a fine dust as they scrape away with the provided "pick" only to discover that the "treasure" consists of three or four nasty cheap plastic toy "artifacts" that they would have been disappointed to find in a cracker. This year we have two such to contend with and I know there will be huge disappointment at the end of the day ~ but how can you take it away from the child? To watch the excitement as they start turn to despair at the "finds" is frankly heartbreaking.

[Barman]

A grow your own sheep thing, it sort of grows from crystals or sumfink, I gave it to the granddaughter

Some b@st@rd always gives at least one of my children one of those "Archaeologist" kits where "buried treasures" have to be excavated from a block of what looks like stone but is some kind of plaster/sand mixture. The kid spends hours covering every surface with a fine dust as they scrape away with the provided "pick" only to discover that the "treasure" consists of three or four nasty cheap plastic toy "artifacts" that they would have been disappointed to find in a cracker. This year we have two such to contend with and I know there will be huge disappointment at the end of the day ~ but how can you take it away from the child? To watch the excitement as they start turn to despair at the "finds" is frankly heartbreaking.

Can’t you just smash it with a hammer and say ‘there you go!’ 

[Snoopy]

A grow your own sheep thing, it sort of grows from crystals or sumfink, I gave it to the granddaughter

Some b@st@rd always gives at least one of my children one of those "Archaeologist" kits where "buried treasures" have to be excavated from a block of what looks like stone but is some kind of plaster/sand mixture. The kid spends hours covering every surface with a fine dust as they scrape away with the provided "pick" only to discover that the "treasure" consists of three or four nasty cheap plastic toy "artifacts" that they would have been disappointed to find in a cracker. This year we have two such to contend with and I know there will be huge disappointment at the end of the day ~ but how can you take it away from the child? To watch the excitement as they start turn to despair at the "finds" is frankly heartbreaking.

Can’t you just smash it with a hammer and say ‘there you go!’ 

And you could do that to a six year old who, in his imagination, thinks he is going to find "real buried treasure"?

You are worse that I thought ~ much worse .... I can see you now, laughing as you throw Tiny Tim's crutch on the fire.

[Snoopy]

On the subject of worst pressies ~ why would anyone (BiL) give me  "Miller's Guide to Antiques 2008"? ~ Most of our furniture came from Ikea or "sales" at house clearence places. My ex-wife took everything I had of any value including all items passed on by my parents and grandparents (On the "Before it's too late Dear I like you to have this" basis).
The only fvcking antique in this kennel is me and, as wives (Ex and current) have both stated many times, I'm worth damn all.

[Barman]

A grow your own sheep thing, it sort of grows from crystals or sumfink, I gave it to the granddaughter

Some b@st@rd always gives at least one of my children one of those "Archaeologist" kits where "buried treasures" have to be excavated from a block of what looks like stone but is some kind of plaster/sand mixture. The kid spends hours covering every surface with a fine dust as they scrape away with the provided "pick" only to discover that the "treasure" consists of three or four nasty cheap plastic toy "artifacts" that they would have been disappointed to find in a cracker. This year we have two such to contend with and I know there will be huge disappointment at the end of the day ~ but how can you take it away from the child? To watch the excitement as they start turn to despair at the "finds" is frankly heartbreaking.

Can’t you just smash it with a hammer and say ‘there you go!’ 

And you could do that to a six year old who, in his imagination, thinks he is going to find "real buried treasure"?

You are worse that I thought ~ much worse .... I can see you now, laughing as you throw Tiny Tim's crutch on the fire.

You know it makes sense in the long run... Why drag out the discomfort? 

[Snoopy]

A grow your own sheep thing, it sort of grows from crystals or sumfink, I gave it to the granddaughter

Some b@st@rd always gives at least one of my children one of those "Archaeologist" kits where "buried treasures" have to be excavated from a block of what looks like stone but is some kind of plaster/sand mixture. The kid spends hours covering every surface with a fine dust as they scrape away with the provided "pick" only to discover that the "treasure" consists of three or four nasty cheap plastic toy "artifacts" that they would have been disappointed to find in a cracker. This year we have two such to contend with and I know there will be huge disappointment at the end of the day ~ but how can you take it away from the child? To watch the excitement as they start turn to despair at the "finds" is frankly heartbreaking.

Can’t you just smash it with a hammer and say ‘there you go!’ 

And you could do that to a six year old who, in his imagination, thinks he is going to find "real buried treasure"?

You are worse that I thought ~ much worse .... I can see you now, laughing as you throw Tiny Tim's crutch on the fire.

You know it makes sense in the long run... Why drag out the discomfort? 

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

[The Moan Ranger]

TMR junior is out for the night and Mrs TMR and I have just feasted on the finest Indian cuisine in the Haweli of Belmont (only curry house open for miles around) - Mrs TMR now luxuriating in a hot scented bath, I am instructed to join in about ten minutes. Then, retire to the slumber pit, where I intend to find out other uses for the "Perfet Touch" personal massager that I also gave her 

Unless, of course, the King Prawn phall takes revenge early...

So it could turn out to be a Happy Christmas after all. And they call me a dirty dog 

Personal massager worked a bit too well and after ten minutes of massaging her back, she was snoring away. And I didn't even have time to her the anti snoring device on 

[Barman]

Exactly… as I was just explaining to Snoopy, life is one big disappointment… it is foolish to set your expectations too high… 

[Snoopy]

Ten minutes on her back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Report to the biology department immediately young man! ~ On her back indeed. 

[Barman]

Ten minutes on her back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Report to the biology department immediately young man! ~ On her back indeed.