Royal No Mail

[Miss Demeanour]

I know this subject has been done to death but I need to vent so you can hear it all again - sorry folks.

I am close to committing some kind of terrorist abomination against my local sorting office - only trouble is I seem to be accountable for my actions unlike any who don the Uniform of this universally respected organisation 

Here is a log of my latest transactions with these ever so helpful people. November -  ordered 5 things for my daughter's birthday. Not one sodding item turned up. Checked with the companies - yes they had been sent. Went to sorting office on the chance that I had forgotten I was meant to use my telepathic skills of knowing my items were ready for collection. None were there - one was returned to the company on the basis that I had not collected it. Silly me, how stupid of me when I had no idea it was there  . The other four items have disappeared off the face of the universe. Perhaps I am going mad - did I ever order them at all.?

December - my brother sent some Christmas presents from Amazon in the post. This time a delivery card was left - how very thoughtful. So off I trot to the delivery office foolishly expecting the parcels to be there. What a muppet. Of course they weren't - apparently they had given them to someone else. Of course because no one else could possible have taken them 

Beginning of January - received a letter from one of my credit cards. They were charging me £25 for a late payment. They based this assumption on the fact that I had received the first statement  - what a radical and novel idea.

Second letter received from gas company - a red letter stating I must settle my bill within 10 days. Again lock me up and throw away the key - I had failed to pay an invisible bill and I should be damned for eternity.

Finally yesterday I came home and found a note from a Postie that actually tried to deliver a parcel. So off I pop today , leaving the necessary 24 hours required to allow the Royal mail to take the parcel out of the van and place in the office ????

I confidently present my delivery slip and then wait for 20 mins. The zombie finally returns to tell me that the postman actually wrote the wrong date on the slip and as he tried to  deliver it today I would need to wait another 24hrs before I could collect. I kept calm. I said that as I picked the docket up from my entrance hall yesterday evening he could not possibly have put it through the letterbox today as I had not been home yet. I then calmly proceeded to ask if that meant they had lost it. Oh no madam - it will be here in the morning. "How can you be so certain " I enquired. "Because you need to leave 24hrs before collection" he kindly reaffirmed.

I walked out before I blew up ...I will skip merrily there in the morning with the complete confidence that I will be able to collect my goodies. Please start the collection for my bail asap - I may need all the help I can get

 

[Landlady]

Not meaning to wind you up further, reference your problems with your helpful sorting office, but are they actually open on a Saturday (tomorrow) morning 

[Miss Demeanour]

Not meaning to wind you up further, reference your problems with your helpful sorting office, but are they actually open on a Saturday (tomorrow) morning 

That sort of logical question could not possible wind me up dear Landlady  .

But yes they are open on a Saturday from 8am - 12. I am just putting on my finest battle gear to go and collect my parcel. This will obviously not be needed as I left the office just before it shut last night at 6pm and I will return by 10am this morn. They will obviously have had an army of industrious elves working overnight sorting, putting things in their rightful places, cleaning etc and the world world will be a very different place this morning 

[Snoopy]

In 1977 I addressed a "fringe meeting" at the Annual Conference of the then Union of Communication Workers on the subject of the proposed privatisation of the mails. I take no pleasure in finding that my prophecies of confusion and inferior service provision have come to pass. I could tell you all of the reasons for the plummetting service levels (both actual and perceived)  but there would be no point.
I now sit on a PostWatch Steering Committee and thus have the benefit of seeing both sides of the story.
Your best recourse is to contact PostWatch and enumerate all of your complaints. They will certainly cause a stir at your local delivery office BUT most of the Credit Card Companies do not use Royal Mail anymore. Nor do Amazon and many other mail order companies. What happens is that they have a contract with a "private" mail company (as the law now insists should operate) these companies collect the mail in bulk, sort it and transport it to various "hubs" around the country, there it is resorted and sent to a depot local to you (and in many cases local means within a hundred miles or so). At that point  the private contractor places the items into the Royal Mail system for what is known as the "Last Mile" of the delivery. Much of what goes missing never actually gets to the postman to deliver to you, often does not it reach Royal Mail at all. (Viz the "Missing Data Discs" fiasco).
Where you can prove that Royal Mail is at fault, such as where you have a "we tried to deliver but" slip, then Post Watch will be only to pleased to have the stick with which to beat the local Royal Mail management BUT you need to be sure who accepted the item for delivery from the sender. In the case of your Gas Bill and (probably) your Credit Card Account neither will have been "posted" via Royal Mail at the point of dispatch.
If it is any help; http://www.postwatch.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=13

[Tinkerbell]

I also have a sorting office story.... as we're on the theme!!! Having redirected mail from main residence, (when sale went through) to new address in UK...our 'bolt-hole', all was hunky dory until I decided to redirect from 'bolt-hole' to daughter's abode (as we are mostly in Cyprus now!!). It was the same postman on both rounds, so for months he 'kindly'    sent all the junk mail from 'main residence' to daughter's abode, with all mail from 'bolt-hole'...

following so far??????

I spent Christmas with my darling daughter, where I received redirected mail for a Mr & Mrs M**** ...absolutely NOTHING to do with me or any distant relative!!!!! NO MAIL for me however!!!! Being the kind of 'trouper' I am and not wanting to get this very kind postman in trouble, I visited the sorting office to point out the error of his ways, assuming a 'swap' in redirection had occurred... but NO, although Mr & Mrs M*** had moved away in June, they had NO redirection!!! I will never know if I had any Christmas mail!!!  

Like you, Miss D  I had to leave before I said something I'd regret..... I guess we all have theories on the mysteries of the postal service... I don't think I'll print mine!!!!   Good luck with the collection...let us know!!!!   

[Nick]

I await a further rant!!

[Barman]

They drop elastic bands all over the place too… 

[Snoopy]

And they are specifically instructed to recycle them. 

[Nick]

I imagine Miss D could easily fashion them into instruments of torture

[Snoopy]

If you are wearing shoes without a "tread" on the sole e.g. Leather soled, and if you see on the pavement one of those rubber bands forming a nice little circle, then stamp on it with the ball of the foot. The outrush of trapped air makes a very Boy impressing "explosion". It delights mine when I do it and, of course, they, having smaller feet, cannot create the same noise. It's quite loud, like one of the old fashioned "cap bombs" or a pin in a balloon. Scares any old ladies in the street and has, on occasions, caused the odd rozzer to reach for his radio to report a "gunshot" 

[Miss Demeanour]

I return.

Without parcel.

I waited 25 minutes this time whilst they searched the office.

Could anyone else have collected on my behalf I was asked - by this stage I thought one word answers were the safest bet - so I just confirmed no.

Finally the acknowledgment I had been waiting for - "it does not appear to be here madam ".

 

They have taken my contact number in case it turns up - Lets face it I have more chance of winning the lottery. I have taken their managers name, expressed my disgust to the gonk on the counter and will be spending a large part of this afternoon writing letters of rage to anyone who will listen and those who will not.

But first I am going to raid the fridge - diets have no place on days like these 

[Nick]

Oh dear

Why not pop out for a Chinese?

[Bar Wench]

My new boots have arrived. 

I love Royal Mail. 

[Nick]

BOOTS? Picture!!!

[Bar Wench]

Sensible option




Not sensible option





Also bought these but I am returning them.