Heathrow Aircrash Speculation

[Barman]

Pilot error. Heroes at the moment but you wait and see. I can visualise it:

Co-Pilot: Are we there yet?
Pilot: Dunno
Co-Pilot: Are we there yet?
Pilot: Dunno
Co-Pilot: You fancy a pint when we get down?
Pilot: Nah. I've had seven since Shaghai.
Co-pilot: Is that the London eye?
Pilot: Prolly. Gear down.
Co-pilot: Oooh look. A runway.
(sound of ignition key being turned and hand brake being appllied)
Co-pilot: Why does that dial thingy say 400ft?
Pilot: OH FU...!

 

I noticed everybody praising the pilots this morning (including that odious shite Brown) and thought at the time how quickly it will all change if 'pilot error' is found to be the cause...

My money is still on lack of fuel although that too would be 'pilot error' if they failed to manage the situation and divert in time...

[Miss Demeanour]

I thought it was planes coming back from India that normally had the skids 

[Grumpmeister]

Pilot error. Heroes at the moment but you wait and see. I can visualise it:

Co-Pilot: Are we there yet?
Pilot: Dunno
Co-Pilot: Are we there yet?
Pilot: Dunno
Co-Pilot: You fancy a pint when we get down?
Pilot: Nah. I've had seven since Shanghai.
Co-pilot: Is that the London eye?
Pilot: Prolly. Gear down.
Co-pilot: Oooh look. A runway.
(sound of ignition key being turned and hand brake being appllied)
Co-pilot: Why does that dial thingy say 400ft?
Pilot: OH FU...!

 

That reminds be about the old Are Lingus pilots joke where one pilot says 'Jeysus the runway's narrow' and the other goes 'aye, but look how bloody wide it is'

[Uncle Mort]

That reminds be about the old Are Lingus pilots joke where one pilot says 'Jeysus the runway's narrow' and the other goes 'aye, but look how bloody wide it is'

 

[Barman]

That reminds be about the old Are Lingus pilots joke where one pilot says 'Jeysus the runway's narrow' and the other goes 'aye, but look how bloody wide it is'

 

Short... he means short not narrow...

[Grumpmeister]

Sorry was trying to type that while fielding questions from one of the hordes of college kids being shown around the office 

[Darwins Selection]

Well, having watched the aviation industry for a while now, I have to admit to having some reservations about modern planes.

I believe I'm right in saying that the Boeing 777 is a 'fly by wire' aircraft, in which case, the pilots have no direct control over anything. More a case of 'ask the computer nicely and it will do what you want'.

Now, how often have you guys had either a complete system freeze or a 'blue screen of death' (BSOD) occur?

Supposing, just for arguments sake, that this (or something similar) happened to the the flight system controlling the engines?

It is certainly unusual for both to quit at once! Bird strike would kill one - two at the same time is stretching it a bit. Same for fuel, I'd expect one to quit way before the other (same for mechanical issues).

I suspect the answer will lie in the 'fly by wire' stuff - some errant signal told both engines to cease operation thus rendering the aircraft a glider and, since the modern jet has all the gliding characteristics of a house brick, the result was inevitable.

Let's wait and see - though there may be an attempt at a cover-up if too much money is involved on the part of Boeing (think class action law suits).

"I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't let you do that"


Plus related earworm:

"Daisy, Daisy, Give me your answer do. . ."

[Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)]

Well, having watched the aviation industry for a while now, I have to admit to having some reservations about modern planes.

I believe I'm right in saying that the Boeing 777 is a 'fly by wire' aircraft, in which case, the pilots have no direct control over anything. More a case of 'ask the computer nicely and it will do what you want'.

Now, how often have you guys had either a complete system freeze or a 'blue screen of death' (BSOD) occur?

Supposing, just for arguments sake, that this (or something similar) happened to the the flight system controlling the engines?

It is certainly unusual for both to quit at once! Bird strike would kill one - two at the same time is stretching it a bit. Same for fuel, I'd expect one to quit way before the other (same for mechanical issues).

I suspect the answer will lie in the 'fly by wire' stuff - some errant signal told both engines to cease operation thus rendering the aircraft a glider and, since the modern jet has all the gliding characteristics of a house brick, the result was inevitable.

Let's wait and see - though there may be an attempt at a cover-up if too much money is involved on the part of Boeing (think class action law suits).

"I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't let you do that"


Plus related earworm:

"Daisy, Daisy, Give me your answer do. . ."

Normally DS, I can see the links between other posts and your own, however, on this occasion, the earworm reference has passed me by completely - unless, of course, you are suggesting that a Boeing 777 is a type of 'bicycle made for two'?

[Grumpmeister]

Have you ever seen a film called '2001' Marley? 

[Darwins Selection]

Have you ever seen a film called '2001' Marley? 

Thank you GM.

[Barman]

Radio 5:

"They've got to look at the 'flight data recorder', the black box to you and me".

Er what is it about the term flight data recorder that is so difficult to understand and what informatio does black box give us?



Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide On Time! *


Reference only suitable for <40's

Typical dumbing-down – pisses me off too...

Why can't they just say flight data recorder and cockpit voice recorder – the bloody things aren't even black! 

Unfortunately >40

They just called it a flight data recorder on World at One... 

I'm waiting for them to say it slid the length of twenty double-decker buses... 

[Geordie Lad]

I suspect someone switched their mobile on while the plane was landing and that screwed up all the computers on the plane   

[Darwins Selection]

Radio 5:

"They've got to look at the 'flight data recorder', the black box to you and me".

Er what is it about the term flight data recorder that is so difficult to understand and what informatio does black box give us?



Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide On Time! *


Reference only suitable for <40's

Typical dumbing-down – pisses me off too...

Why can't they just say flight data recorder and cockpit voice recorder – the bloody things aren't even black! 

Unfortunately >40

They just called it a flight data recorder on World at One... 

I'm waiting for them to say it slid the length of twenty double-decker buses... 

Two football pitches, silly. 

Geordie is probably right about the mobile phone.

Either that or somebody pulled their tray down or armrest up.

[Barman]

Radio 5:

"They've got to look at the 'flight data recorder', the black box to you and me".

Er what is it about the term flight data recorder that is so difficult to understand and what informatio does black box give us?



Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide On Time! *


Reference only suitable for <40's

Typical dumbing-down – pisses me off too...

Why can't they just say flight data recorder and cockpit voice recorder – the bloody things aren't even black! 

Unfortunately >40

They just called it a flight data recorder on World at One... 

I'm waiting for them to say it slid the length of twenty double-decker buses... 

Two football pitches, silly. 

Geordie is probably right about the mobile phone.

Either that or somebody pulled their tray down or armrest up.

Or had a fag in the toilet... 

[The Moan Ranger]

It reports in the London Evening Standard that the pilot is "doing fine" and that he and his two co-pilots went for a curry last night to "return to normality". Hmmm. You've just stuck a 200 foot arepolane into the gound like a dart and a chicken balti is all that is needed to over it. You've gotta hand it to these pilots - they have a certain style. I wonder how much Cobra was consumed...and can you imagine the conversation with the waiters? "Hello sirs, have you had a good day?"

"Yeah, not bad, just crashed a passenger jet. Can we have three Cobras and six popadoms - three spicy?"

"Very good, sir, we love your English humour"