HELL
EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY
STUDENT
The following
is an actual question given on a University ofWashington chemistry
mid
term.
The
answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it
with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, is why we
now have the pleasure
Of enjoying it as well:
Bonus
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?
Most
of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle 's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant.
One
student, however, wrote the
following:
First,
we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at
which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once
a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are
leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the
different religions that exist in the world
today.
Most
of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion,
we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With
birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now,
we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle 's
Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to
stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as
souls are added.
This
gives two possibilities:
1.
If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.
2.
If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
over.
So which is
it?
If
we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,'
and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night,
then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is
exothermic and has already frozen over!
The
corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a
divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting
'Oh my God.'
