Please give what you can to this important appeal...
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Croydon Earthquake Appeal
An Earthquake measuring 5.2 on the Richter scale hit Croydon on
Wednesday morning.
Casualties were seen wandering aimlessly saying "bang out of order" "mental"
and "sorted". Some are still confused that something interesting actually
happened in Norbury! Some residents of Thornton Heath were woken before their
'giros' arrived and it caused quite a panic!
The earthquake decimated half of the New Addington area causing in excess of
£17.55 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from
Benidorm, Corfu, Clacton and Bognor Regis were damaged beyond repair including a cute
little donkey that 'broke wind' when you clapped your hands.
Preserved areas of historic importance were destroyed and many piles of
scientifically significant litter were disturbed.
One resident of Mitcham, Miss Kylie Davies a 15 year old mother of four said
"It was such a shock, little Chardonnay-Destiny came running into my bedroom
crying; my hands were shaking that much I could hardly concentrate on Jeremy
Kyle".
The British Red Cross has so far managed to send 4000 crates of Red Bull to
the area to help with the crisis. Rescue workers are still searching through
the rubble and have found numerous "Elizabeth Duke" sovereign rings, benefit
books and Poundstretcher ornaments.
How can you help?
This appeal hopes to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is most sought
after. Urgently needed are Lacoste tracksuits, white socks, Burberry caps,
Beanie hats and Rockports. Food parcels are also needed. They include McCain
oven chips, Aldi Beans, Monster Munch, Pukka pies and Iceland pizza.
Alcohol is also in short supply, especially White Lightening Cider and
Special Brew.
Cash donations are also needed. 22p buys a 'signing-on' biro, £2.50 buys a
pie and chips, £20.00 buys a fake MOT and £16.00 buys 200 Regal ciggies from
the back of Tomo's lorry. Your help is appreciated.
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