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Author Topic: More Top Tips  (Read 115450 times)

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Offline apc2010

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #510 on: March 15, 2020, 10:56:47 PM »
UK Virus ALERT

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”

The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

The virus has been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let's Get the Bastard.” They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from “No worries” to “She'll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

The Russians have said “Its not us”.........


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Offline apc2010

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #511 on: March 15, 2020, 11:30:54 PM »
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more than throwing them a surprise party... Thumbs:

Offline Steve

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #512 on: March 15, 2020, 11:54:22 PM »
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more than throwing them a surprise party... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Well, whatever, nevermind

Online Barman

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #513 on: March 16, 2020, 04:52:48 AM »
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more than throwing them a surprise party... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
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Offline apc2010

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #514 on: March 17, 2020, 01:16:18 AM »
Improve your chances of winning this week's pub quiz by coughing as soon as the quiz starts and saying



 "I'm awfully sorry. I've had this brand new constant dry cough all day"/////// Thumbs:

Online Barman

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #515 on: March 17, 2020, 05:39:51 AM »
Improve your chances of winning this week's pub quiz by coughing as soon as the quiz starts and saying



 "I'm awfully sorry. I've had this brand new constant dry cough all day"/////// Thumbs:

 razz:
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Offline Steve

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #516 on: March 17, 2020, 02:34:54 PM »
Improve your chances of winning this week's pub quiz by coughing as soon as the quiz starts and saying



 "I'm awfully sorry. I've had this brand new constant dry cough all day"/////// Thumbs:

 razz:
lol: lol:
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline apc2010

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #517 on: March 19, 2020, 08:54:47 AM »
"Ensure the general public maintain a safe distance from you by chatting to a can of Special Brew................"                          Thumbs:

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #518 on: March 19, 2020, 09:05:01 AM »
"Ensure the general public maintain a safe distance from you by chatting to a can of Special Brew................"                          Thumbs:

 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline apc2010

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #519 on: March 20, 2020, 10:56:22 PM »
Don't put funny comments about the moderators on the Viz page .....

You will ban you........ evil:

(14 days )...

Offline Grumpmeister

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #520 on: March 20, 2020, 11:00:53 PM »
Don't put funny comments about the moderators on the Viz page .....

You will ban you........ evil:

(14 days )...

I have to ask, other than on here are there any forums you haven't had a ban on?  rubschin:
The universe is run by the complex interweaving of three elements. Energy, matter, and enlightened self-interest.

Offline apc2010

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #521 on: March 20, 2020, 11:12:08 PM »
Don't put funny comments about the moderators on the Viz page .....

You will ban you........ evil:

(14 days )...

I have to ask, other than on here are there any forums you haven't had a ban on?  rubschin:

No you mention it .... ;D ;D ;D     



One cooking one ......... Thumbs:

Offline Grumpmeister

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #522 on: March 20, 2020, 11:15:53 PM »
Don't put funny comments about the moderators on the Viz page .....

You will ban you........ evil:

(14 days )...

I have to ask, other than on here are there any forums you haven't had a ban on?  rubschin:

No you mention it .... ;D ;D ;D     



One cooking one ......... Thumbs:

Oh bloody hell I've just inadvertently set you a challenge haven't I...?  facepalm:
The universe is run by the complex interweaving of three elements. Energy, matter, and enlightened self-interest.

Offline Steve

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #523 on: March 20, 2020, 11:36:30 PM »
You haven't lived if you've never been banned from a forum

I'm banned from 2 and on a final warning on another.  Fuck em
Well, whatever, nevermind

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #524 on: March 21, 2020, 05:30:50 AM »
I've been banned from two Cyprus forums... No three... One multiple times...  redface:
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