More Top Tips

[Steve]

PLACING your penis in the bottom of your girlfriends popcorn box will give her a real shock at the cinema. Especially if you're at home watching football at the time.

 

[Steve]

HOME OFFICE officials. Save the expense of sending David Blunkett on pricey trips to international conferences in South east Asia. Simply pop him in a flight simulator for eight hours, then sit him down in a sauna for two weeks feeding him chop suey flavoured Pot Noodles.

Out of date internet jokers, get rid of that 2004 feeling by reading a newspaper and find out about what's happened in the last 9 years.

[Baldy]

HOME OFFICE officials. Save the expense of sending David Blunkett on pricey trips to international conferences in South east Asia. Simply pop him in a flight simulator for eight hours, then sit him down in a sauna for two weeks feeding him chop suey flavoured Pot Noodles.

Out of date internet jokers, get rid of that 2004 feeling by reading a newspaper and find out about what's happened in the last 9 years.

 

Give him his 15 mins. 

[miss Tchevious]

PLACING your penis in the bottom of your girlfriends popcorn box will give her a real shock at the cinema. Especially if you're at home watching football at the time.

 

total wine meets keyboard moment. outstanding!!!

[apc2010]

Councils say they're losing £30 million a year in unpaid parking fines...

If they halve the cost of a fine, they'll only lose £15 million.........

[Steve]

Councils say they're losing £30 million a year in unpaid parking fines...

If they halve the cost of a fine, they'll only lose £15 million.........

[Barman]

Councils say they're losing £30 million a year in unpaid parking fines...

If they halve the cost of a fine, they'll only lose £15 million.........

 

[Just One More]

FATTIES. Avoid your torso being surreptitiously filmed and used in a BBC news report about Britain's obesity problem by always wearing a T-shirt with 'All Newsreaders are Cunts' written on it.

[Just One More]

HOSPITAL patients. Arrive for your appointment two hours after the assigned arrival time. That way, you will only have to wait an hour for your doctor to see you.

[Just One More]

A MIXTURE of sour cream and mashed-up blackberries makes excellent imitation bird shit to apply to your neighbour's car after he's washed it.

[Just One More]

EACH MONTH, put a pet mouse down the back of your sofa for a few hours. Hey Presto, all loose biscuit crumbs will be eaten.

[Barman]

 

[Just One More]

NUDISTS. In cold weather, when you are forced to wear clothes, simply pin a photograph of your cock and balls onto the front of your trousers..............

Gentlemen, to impress the ladies even more, increase the size of the photograph from A4 to A3 size

[Just One More]

WANKERS. Attatch a pedometer to your wrist and measure the calories you burn. Then you can proudly tell your wife how much exercise you have done.

[Just One More]

COMMUTERS. When you leave your house, sprint the first 200 yards and then revert back to your regular walking speed. This will save you from having to do the run of shame for the bus nearer the stop and look like a fool when you miss it.