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Author Topic: More Top Tips  (Read 115028 times)

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Offline Barman

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #180 on: January 02, 2014, 04:33:26 PM »
Quote from: Nick (GC First Class) on January 02, 2014, 04:29:35 PM
If you feel like a yummy snack do not rummage about in a cupboard and pull out some pickled chillis and then eat one whole like  evil:  scorchio: scorchio: scorchio: scorchio: scorchio: scorchio: scorchio: NickSick

 point:
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Offline Nick

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #181 on: January 02, 2014, 04:37:40 PM »
Even my eyebrows are hot  evil:
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Offline Baldy

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #182 on: January 02, 2014, 04:41:33 PM »
Quote from: Nick (GC First Class) on January 02, 2014, 04:37:40 PM
Even my eyebrows are hot  evil:

Missed your mouth did you?  rubschin:
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Offline Barman

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #183 on: January 02, 2014, 04:44:31 PM »
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Offline apc2010

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #184 on: January 02, 2014, 04:49:10 PM »
Have you been to the toilet yet........ rubschin:
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Offline Nick

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #185 on: January 02, 2014, 05:08:08 PM »
I have learnt my lesson about that one  noooo:
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Offline Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #186 on: January 02, 2014, 06:26:39 PM »
Bog rolls in the fridge and a bath full of cold water at the readylike .  . .    whistle:
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"Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end." 

Well, someone had to say it!

Offline Just One More

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #187 on: January 08, 2014, 07:25:07 AM »
MEN. IF you have a bout of wind in a posh restaurant, tell the waiter there are crumbs on your chair. When he comes to remove the crumbs with a little hoover, you can fart to your heart's content.


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Offline Just One More

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #188 on: January 08, 2014, 07:25:41 AM »
OLD PEOPLE. Next time you start a conversation with the words 'Of course, it goes without saying...' you can then simply shut up, because whatever you were about to say obviously goes without saying.

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Offline Just One More

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #189 on: January 08, 2014, 07:26:09 AM »
GRATED CHEDDAR cheese from the supermarket can be squashed tightly together with the fingers to produce a block of cheese, ready for slicing or grating.
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Offline Just One More

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #190 on: January 08, 2014, 07:26:38 AM »
GIRLS. GET those old 70's bell-bottoms from the wardrobe, cut the legs off and sew them back on upside down. They will then fit you once more.
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Offline Just One More

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #191 on: January 08, 2014, 07:27:12 AM »

MALES. IF stuck for something to talk about with other equally awkward males at social gatherings, simply pipe up about a random A road or motorway that you crossed on your journey and mention that it was 'quite busy.' This will spark off an exchange of similar road themed anecdotes that should last until hometime.

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Offline Just One More

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #192 on: January 08, 2014, 07:27:38 AM »
CINEMA BUILDERS. Don't bother installing a front row of seats, nobody ever uses them. Simply start with the second row.
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Offline Just One More

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #193 on: January 08, 2014, 07:28:02 AM »

RACISTS. Convince others that you are not a racist by saying 'I'm not a racist, but...' before saying something racist.

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Offline Just One More

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Re: More Top Tips
« Reply #194 on: January 08, 2014, 07:28:25 AM »
CYCLISTS. Avoid getting a sore arse by simply placing a naan bread over your saddle. This will comfort your ride and when you return home, hey presto! A warm snack.
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