More Top Tips

[Baldy]

TOURETTES sufferers with an interest in Victoriana. Simply replace shouting 'fuck', 'cunt' and 'wanker' with 'poppycock' , 'fiddlesticks' and 'balderdash' to recreate an authentic Victorian experience.

 

[Baldy]

FELLAS. Pretend that you are TV's Anthony McPartlin out of Ant and Dec, by looking at yourself in the back of a spoon.

 

[Baldy]

BIRD FLU could be quickly and easily eradicated by adding a few drops of Lemsip or Daynurse to birdbaths. Obviously, you would have to put Nightnurse in the birdbaths for owls.

 

[Barman]

BIRD FLU could be quickly and easily eradicated by adding a few drops of Lemsip or Daynurse to birdbaths. Obviously, you would have to put Nightnurse in the birdbaths for owls.

 

 

I liked the cheese one too! 

[Darwins Selection]

CYCLISTS. Avoid getting a sore arse by simply placing a naan bread over your saddle. This will comfort your ride and when you return home, hey presto! A warm snack. . . .

. . .for your partner.


All excellent JOM

[Steve]

the lot JOM

[Tipsy Gipsy]

GIRLS. GET those old 70's bell-bottoms from the wardrobe, cut the legs off and sew them back on upside down. They will then fit you once more.

 

    

[Nick]

When visiting Nottingham Library do not leave your frothingly angry pit bull tied up in the main entrance 

[apc2010]

When visiting Nottingham Library do not leave your frothingly angry pit bull tied up in the main entrance 

You dog walking already......

[Nick]

Not mine you mong 

[apc2010]

Not mine you mong 

Well if you have left it at home it's gonna break your TV.......

[Nick]

Robby is upstairs doing his gymnastics

[Just One More]

CONVINCE old people to use the internet by telling them they will undoubtedly be sent endless spam.



SHOW your wife that you're still an old romantic at heart by scattering the ironing board with rose petals.



MASK the fact that you're socially inept when in the company of strangers by pissing about on your mobile phone.



ANNOY MC Hammer by going to a museum with him, pointing at every exhibit and asking ‘can I touch this?’.

[Just One More]

JEREMY KYLE guests. Pay for your own DNA tests by saving up all the money you get from the tooth fairy. 



RECREATE the joy of buying cinema popcorn by pouring melted butter over some polystyrene & setting fire to a £20 note.



TOASTED tea cakes make excellent hot cross buns for atheists.



SAVE money on holidays to Benidorm this year by listening to The Macarena whilst walking through Asda in socks and sandals.

[Just One More]

STOP your kids having nightmares about a monster under the bed by explaining it's been eaten by the clown in the loft.



FIND OUT how loud your partner can scream by waking them up on an aeroplane flight wearing your life jacket and oxygen mask. 



THE POLYSTYRENE discs under frozen pizzas make ideal floating bathtime snack trays.



CONFUSE the Google Street View car by running alongside it dressed as a house.