Dog or no dog?

[GROWLER]

I want a dog, but I don't.

What i really mean is that I want one, but it'll have to fit a certain criteria:

It MUSN'T be a wumman dog.
It must be obedient. (see above)
It must love BIG walks in the wild.
It musn't be moulting all over my pride and joy.
It MUSN'T stink like some dogs do.
It musn't strain on the leash.
It musn't go chasing after every animal it sees.
It musn't hump everyones leg.
It must be affectionate and bark and wag its tail when it greets me.
It must be my bessy mate.

It can be a mongrel.
It can be ugly with one eye.
It can bark and bite undesirables
 
Am I lookin' for the impossible?

[Darwins Selection]

I think this is as close as you will get to your wish list.

[Barman]

I want a dog, but I don't.

What i really mean is that I want one, but it'll have to fit a certain criteria:

It MUSN'T be a wumman dog.
It must be obedient. (see above)
It must love BIG walks in the wild.
It musn't be moulting all over my pride and joy.
It MUSN'T stink like some dogs do.
It musn't strain on the leash.
It musn't go chasing after every animal it sees.
It musn't hump everyones leg.
It must be affectionate and bark and wag its tail when it greets me.
It must be my bessy mate.

It can be a mongrel.
It can be ugly with one eye.
It can bark and bite undesirables
 
Am I lookin' for the impossible?

You have described my dog... 

[GROWLER]

You have described my dog... 

I'm on me way then. 

Seriously. As much as I love me own company, it'd be soooo nice having a '4 legged Growler' to accompany me and talk to, but I really couldn't cope with all the dog hairs....that's probably my biggest concern, that and that rancid slobbery smell that they often seem to emit.

P'raps I should go and have a sniff around the dogs home? 
Such an attractive proposition though...no nagging, no arguing, pleased to see you, grateful, happy, and no trips to B&longQ to worry about, oh, and NO bloody linolium either.


Of course the other thing that has to be considered is 'D' day too.
I've seen big tough grown men completely crumble when the envitable happens.

[Just One More]

I believe poodles don't moult. Could you see yourself with one of these?

[GROWLER]

I believe poodles don't moult. Could you see yourself with one of these?

I want a dog, not a bloody poofed up blue rinsed fashion accessory. 

[GROWLER]

Who else has got a 'real' dog in here then?

[Barman]

Skilos is not a poodle! 

[Just One More]

I still have the two black and tan ones, the white one went to doggy heaven two years ago

[TG]

You could adopt Snoopy. He fits most of those criteria except for the leg humping one (allegedly).

[GROWLER]

I still have the two black and tan ones, the white one went to doggy heaven two years ago

Proper mans dogs those, but a bit on the moulty side, yes?
Bit big for me anyway.
I'd be lookin' for a standard sized dog with NO frills whatsoever...bit like me, basic and earthy, straight to the point, unloved, gruff and faithful, and with some deep down friendliness trying to get out.

Saw someone with a Husky..... or it could have been a Wolf tbh., whilst out in the hills earlier this week. Gorgeous creature.

[Snoopy]

You could adopt Snoopy. He fits most of those criteria except for the leg humping one (allegedly).

   And I don't do walks o'er hill and dale.

However dogs only smell if they are fed certain foods. e.g. Any dog fed on "Chappy" will smell like a ..... wet dog.
Proper feeding, grooming etc will keep the hairs to a minimum and also the doggy smell. If you want a dog that loves walks on open countryside, is willing and happy to live "outside" (get a good kennel with a raised sleeping shelf) and will tolerate other people but be a one man dog then a border collie is your best bet. They do need regular "working" ~ which doesn't mean having them round up sheep ~ but the exercise and being given instructions to "Come  By" and the like is what they need and enjoy every day. They normally live to be about 14/15 so get a young 'un (they are not cheap) and learn with the animal how to "work" and you will have a companion for many years to come.
I know (vaguely) the Welsh Champion Sheep Dog Trials chap ( he was once the UK champ and has been on One man & his Dog a number of times) and he breeds, sells and trains them not far from here. He also teaches buyers how to handle them but, like I say, it ain't cheap.

Here's my man:  http://www.aled-owen-sheepdogs.co.uk/dogs.asp

He is a nice bloke ~ a bit "Welsh" but a man's man.

[Darwins Selection]

You could adopt Snoopy. He fits most of those criteria except for the leg humping one (allegedly).

   And I don't do walks o'er hill and dale.

However dogs only smell if they are fed certain foods. e.g. Any dog fed on "Chappy" will smell like a ..... wet dog.
Proper feeding, grooming etc will keep the hairs to a minimum and also the doggy smell. If you want a dog that loves walks on open countryside, is willing and happy to live "outside" (get a good kennel with a raised sleeping shelf) and will tolerate other people but be a one man dog then a border collie is your best bet. They do need regular "working" ~ which doesn't mean having them round up sheep ~ but the exercise and being given instructions to "Come  By" and the like is what they need and enjoy every day. They normally live to be about 14/15 so get a young 'un (they are not cheap) and learn with the animal how to "work" and you will have a companion for many years to come.
I know (vaguely) the Welsh Champion Sheep Dog Trials chap ( he was once the UK champ and has been on One man & his Dog a number of times) and he breeds, sells and trains them not far from here. He also teaches buyers how to handle them but, like I say, it ain't cheap.

He is a nice bloke ~ a bit "Welsh" but a man's man.

= Snoopy CV. 

We had border collies in the old days. Very clever and also obedient.

[Snoopy]

I was with him up to the bit about all that hill walking. 

[Nick]

Labrador? (Chocolate coloured sort?)