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Author Topic: Men and wimmin (again)  (Read 3344 times)

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Offline Nick

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Men and wimmin (again)
« on: April 12, 2008, 08:37:18 AM »
MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

A new sign in the Bank reads:

'Please note that this Bank is installing new
Drive-through ATM machines enabling
customers to withdraw cash without leaving
their vehicles.


Customers using this new facility are
requested to use the procedures outlined
below when accessing their accounts.


After months of careful research,
MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been
developed.

Please follow the Appropriate steps for
your gender.'

*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.


*******************************

FEMALE PROCEDURE:
Unfortunately, most of this part is true !!!!

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back
page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of
chequebook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot
provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
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Offline Snoopy

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Re: Men and wimmin (again)
« Reply #1 on: April 12, 2008, 09:21:51 AM »
Sadly soooooooooooooooo true.  lol:
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline Barman

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Re: Men and wimmin (again)
« Reply #2 on: April 12, 2008, 10:33:52 AM »
 ;D
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Offline Nick

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Re: Men and wimmin (again)
« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2008, 10:42:16 AM »
An example from home.

Boy loses piece of saxophone.Replacement cost:£5

My approach

1.Call shop
2. Ask if they have piece
3.Confirm they have
4.Go and fetch it

Mrs Nick

Call shop
Ask if they have piece
Confirmthey have
Then ask akbout 4 other things, qhich require speaking the three different assistants
Ask for everything to be "Put aside"
Tell the shop she will be there this morning early
Wander about house till nearly mid day in pyjamas
Initiate new hunt for missing piece which involves me climbing stepladders(why?)
Talks incessantly about having shower and going to shop
Begins to clean oven
L:eaves oven half dismantled whilst gassing to CBFT on phone
Changes her mind about oven
Loses car keys


AND IT IS STILL GOING ON!!!!
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Offline Snoopy

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Re: Men and wimmin (again)
« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2008, 10:49:40 AM »
 happy100
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline Barman

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Re: Men and wimmin (again)
« Reply #5 on: April 12, 2008, 10:50:35 AM »
An example from home.

Boy loses piece of saxophone.Replacement cost:£5

My approach

1.Call shop
2. Ask if they have piece
3.Confirm they have
4.Go and fetch it

Mrs Nick

Call shop
Ask if they have piece
Confirmthey have
Then ask akbout 4 other things, qhich require speaking the three different assistants
Ask for everything to be "Put aside"
Tell the shop she will be there this morning early
Wander about house till nearly mid day in pyjamas
Initiate new hunt for missing piece which involves me climbing stepladders(why?)
Talks incessantly about having shower and going to shop
Begins to clean oven
L:eaves oven half dismantled whilst gassing to CBFT on phone
Changes her mind about oven
Loses car keys


AND IT IS STILL GOING ON!!!!

Don't you have a garden you can point her at?  noooo:
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Offline Nick

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Re: Men and wimmin (again)
« Reply #6 on: April 12, 2008, 10:55:33 AM »
She is now emptying cupboards Banghead Banghead Banghead
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Offline Snoopy

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Re: Men and wimmin (again)
« Reply #7 on: April 12, 2008, 10:55:50 AM »
An example from home.

Boy loses piece of saxophone.Replacement cost:£5

My approach

1.Call shop
2. Ask if they have piece
3.Confirm they have
4.Go and fetch it

Mrs Nick

Call shop
Ask if they have piece
Confirmthey have
Then ask akbout 4 other things, qhich require speaking the three different assistants
Ask for everything to be "Put aside"
Tell the shop she will be there this morning early
Wander about house till nearly mid day in pyjamas
Initiate new hunt for missing piece which involves me climbing stepladders(why?)
Talks incessantly about having shower and going to shop
Begins to clean oven
L:eaves oven half dismantled whilst gassing to CBFT on phone
Changes her mind about oven
Loses car keys


AND IT IS STILL GOING ON!!!!

Don't you have a garden you can point her at?  noooo:

Don't you mean a patio eveilgrin:
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline Nick

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Re: Men and wimmin (again)
« Reply #8 on: April 12, 2008, 10:56:42 AM »
I am now waiting the instruction to go to the shop myself and get all this wretched stuff when she realises the time.......... noooo:
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Offline Barman

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Re: Men and wimmin (again)
« Reply #9 on: April 12, 2008, 10:58:11 AM »
An example from home.

Boy loses piece of saxophone.Replacement cost:£5

My approach

1.Call shop
2. Ask if they have piece
3.Confirm they have
4.Go and fetch it

Mrs Nick

Call shop
Ask if they have piece
Confirmthey have
Then ask akbout 4 other things, qhich require speaking the three different assistants
Ask for everything to be "Put aside"
Tell the shop she will be there this morning early
Wander about house till nearly mid day in pyjamas
Initiate new hunt for missing piece which involves me climbing stepladders(why?)
Talks incessantly about having shower and going to shop
Begins to clean oven
L:eaves oven half dismantled whilst gassing to CBFT on phone
Changes her mind about oven
Loses car keys


AND IT IS STILL GOING ON!!!!

Don't you have a garden you can point her at?  noooo:

Don't you mean a patio eveilgrin:
rubschin:
Let her make the garden look nice first...  whistle:
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Offline Nick

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Re: Men and wimmin (again)
« Reply #10 on: April 12, 2008, 11:01:16 AM »
Noon pips on the radio.

"Is that the time?" she wails

Me: "No it's a trick"

 scared2:
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Offline Barman

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Re: Men and wimmin (again)
« Reply #11 on: April 12, 2008, 11:02:33 AM »
Noon pips on the radio.

"Is that the time?" she wails

Me: "No it's a trick"

 scared2:
Brave boy!  happy088
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Offline Nick

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Re: Men and wimmin (again)
« Reply #12 on: April 12, 2008, 11:03:15 AM »
Stupid actually.

She has gone back to emptying cupboards.

Why? rubschin:
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Offline Barman

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Re: Men and wimmin (again)
« Reply #13 on: April 12, 2008, 11:04:12 AM »
Stupid actually.

She has gone back to emptying cupboards.

Why? rubschin:
Why don't you just go to the shops and buy the bit - you can have a pint on the way...  whistle:
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Offline Barman

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Re: Men and wimmin (again)
« Reply #14 on: April 12, 2008, 11:20:54 AM »
Or perhaps seek advice in Agony Corner?  whistle:
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