Clearing out my desk, I found a pile of my old "Rants" (I used to do one every fortnight, it made Friday afternoon go quicker...). Here's once circa 1992:-
Law and order
A policeman is shot dead in Clapham, the Anti-Nazi league tear parts of East London to shreds and a wealthy woman is rammed off the road and robbed of all her jewellery.
There does not appear to be much law and order about.
I have a solution. Some may think these measures extreme, however, it is the only way to rid the world of murderers, rapists, bank robbers and life assurance salesmen:
At the age of 17 every human being is to be given an IQ test. Anyone who achieves a score of less than 95 will either be vasectomised or sterilised, depending on their dangly bits.
A generation or two will pass before the benefits become apparent, but just imagine if this had been done 50 years ago.
1. The arse wipe who snapped the side mirror off my car would be no more than a wank stain on his father's sheets.
2. Lloyd Grossman would not invade my living room on an all too frequent bases.
3. The Suzuki GSX550EF would never have gone into production. Becuase it's slow. And girls ride it.
4. Referring to 1 above, cretinous halfwits who do not have the intelligence to earn their own living and see fit to take the fruits of normal peoples endeavours, would be eradicated. Car and building contents insurance would fall to more reasonable levels. And my brother would get paid so much.
5. I wouldn't have to listen to Natalie's inane ramblings.
6. Or Andy H's.
7. Customer service would be much simpler to us all.
8. Deferred Interest mortgages would never have been invented.
"There must be down sides, mustn't there?" I hear you shout, "...who'll sweep the roads or work for London Underground if there are no stupid people about?"
This popular belief is, to be honest, bollox. There are already too many people in Britain to ever make full employment possible again and I certainly wouldn't mind working for London Underground if the calibre of the passengers improved to my level.
But, I must concede, there will be disadvantages:
1. I woun't keep winning lots of money on Trivia Quiz machines.
2. Arsenal Football Club would go bust.
3. Most of Wales would be incapable of propogation (is this a disadvantage?)
4. As would most of our Accounts Department.
Get your knitting needles and scissors out, we have work to do...
