Up at 0730, shower, sh*t and shave, quick brekky and off to the hospital for an outpatient appointment (first of the day 9 am.... just what I like, less hanging around). Called in at spot on 9 o'clock, implant downloaded and interogated. All is well with the device, batteries have good charge, "Thanks very much Mr Snoopy ~ we'll see you on 24th November same time" and I am back in my car at 0915. Thence to Sainsbury (the nearest place with a photo booth) to get a picture to renew my Blue Badge. Picture taken and off to the local library which now contains a County Council "One Stop Shop" to get the new badge. I have, of course got all the necessary documentation with me. Arrive at "One Stop Shop" at 0935. Old lady librarian says "Oh dear I've never done one of these ~ we were only trained on the system 3 months ago" My newly checked heart sank.
1st Problem "You haven't got your Post Office Payment Book to prove you receive Disability Living Allowance"
Me "No ~ because the Government stopped issuing them 5 years ago"
Her "Well I need proof"
Me "Here is the award letter issued by the Dept Works & Pensions"
Her "Oh, it's dated June 2003"
Me "Yes, because that is when they issued it, I have never had another letter from them since"
Her "So how do I know you still receive the DLA?"
Me "Because I have given you the letter and that is the proof you require"
Her "But it is so old"
Me "So am I"
Her "How do I know it is current"
Me "Because, if you read it, you will see it says this is a life long award and I am standing here to prove that I am still living"
Her "I'll have to check with 'County'" and she picks up the phone.
'County' assured her that the letter was indeed valid and was the same letter that they have on file.
Her "I can't be too sure you know"
Me "I fully understand"
Her "Is this your photograph?"
Me "Yes, just had it taken at Sainsbury ~ why, doesn't it look like me?"
Her "Yes it does but I'm supposed to ask"
Her "Is this your signature on the form?"
Me "You just watched me sign it"
Her "Yes but I am suppose to ask"
Me (Through clenched teeth) "Yes it is my signature"
She turns to computer and starts tapping away
Her "Oh dear" and she reaches for 'phone and calls 'County' again.
"I'm having a problem logging onto the Blue Badge bit of the site ~ can you talk me through it?"
30 minutes later after much "Ohing" and "Ahing", pushing of keys on the computer, peering at various drop downs etc.
Her "Right I think that's it, now I need to laminate the card"
Me "Don't you think it would be a good idea to attach my photograph to it first"
Her "Silly me (giggle)"
Me
Her "I'll just go and switch the laminator on ~ it only takes 15 minutes to warm up"
Me
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Eventually she hands me the badge ~ I gather up all my documents, hand her my old badge and exit the library to find Mr Jobsworth standing by my car, the engine of his council van running and the driver's door wide open blocking the way to the library door and forcing old ladies to squeeze past.
Him "You are parked in a disabled bay and you are not displaying a Blue Badge"
Me "That's because I have been in there renewing the badge and had to hand in the old one to get the new one"
Him "I could book you for that offence"
Me "Er no you can't because this is not a council owned car park and I am not on the Highway, these "Disabled Bays" are advisory not mandatory, the land and carpark is owned by the Local Health Board because it is actually the carpark for the health centre as well as the library"
Him "Think you're smart do you?"
Me "Smarter than you sunshine ~ now get out of my way or I'll report you for leaving your council vehicle unattended with the engine running and the doors open"
Him "I COULD report you for misuse of your Blue Badge"
Me "No you couldn't, you just complained that I had not displayed it ..... that is not misuse and besides you are about half my size and although I am disabled you may find yourself on the wrong end of a slap with 20 stone behind it"
Him (getting into his van) "I've got your number"
Me (To the back of his vehicle as he drives off) "And I've got yours you prat"
Where do they find these fvcking people and why do they always deploy them when I am out and about?
