It's been a while since we had a go at the Irish

[Snoopy]

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint.
Paddy, the officer, stops them and tells them: "It is illegal to put five people in a Quattro. Quattro means four."
"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishman retorted disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons.''
"You cannot pull that one on me," replies Paddy. "Quattro means four. You have  five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law."
"You idiot!", the Englishmen replies angrily. "Call your supervisor over. I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
"Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with two guys in a Fiat Uno."

[Barman]

 

[Snoopy]

 

[Just One More]

A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy odered a whiskey. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.

He replied in disgust 'I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!'

Paddy handed his drink back & said 'Me too, I didnt know we had a choice!'




Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spreadeagled & says 'You know what I want dont you?'

'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole friggin bed by the looks of it!'




Q. Whats a Catholic priest & a pint of Guiness got in common?

A. black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!




Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whos head was found on Arbroath beach was asked to identify her.

A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said 'I dont think thats her, she wasnt that tall!'



Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbours dog is barking like mad in the garden. Paddy says 'To hell with this!' & storms off.

He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?'

Paddy replies 'Ive put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like it!'



An Irishman is shagging a Jewish girl & says 'You're not very tight for a Jew!'

She says 'Well you're not very thick for a Paddy!'




Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick say 'Crikey! Theres a bloke here who was 152!'

Paddy says 'Whats his name?'

Mick replies 'Miles from London !'




An Irishman is rowing his boat in a field of hay. Paddy drives past & stops.

He looks at the Irishman in the boat & shouts 'Its thick c * * ts like you that give us Irish a bad name! I'd come over there & kick the f * * k out of you if I could swim!'

[Darwins Selection]

Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick say 'Crikey! Theres a bloke here who was 152!'

Paddy says 'Whats his name?'

Mick replies 'Miles from London !'