Traffic lights. Finally, the truth.

[GROWLER]

I recently wrote an e mail to Cheshire C.C., regarding a certain set of traffic lights that are swiftly heading for forced removal by me. 
Nick will know them. The Goredale nursery on the A540 dual carriageway, top Chester Road.

You approach them at night time when the road is quiet, and they always change to red as you approach them.
I asked the council,why do they do this, as the lights are actually controlling the main entrance to the garden center, and it's closed at night, suprise suprise.

This was the half baked reply:

Mr G.

He can't even be bothered with the word DEAR

 

Thank you for query regarding the operation of the above traffic lights.
The signals may appear to have moved to the Garden Centre approach however,

Ey? They appear to have moved...however? Moved from where ...however??
There's a slump in the moving of traffic lights market presently you oaf. 


 they are actually displaying red to all approaches (All Red).

Well that's bright, in'it? Red to all approaches. P'raps you may be so kind as to explain how exactly the traffic is supposed to actually flow then, donkey brain? Not correct anyway, so I suggest you get out more....to check the lights in question, dumbdork

The signal control programme has been specifically configured to do this, in the absence of any vehicle demands,


So why are they visibly green (colour demonstration for your benefit) from over half a mile away when approaching them ey, tosser?



at the request of the County Accident Investigation team and the Police in order to lower vehicles speeds along the A540.

So, what you are saying in essence, and what could have been simply explained in ONE sentence, is that it's ....to slow a single vehicle down on an otherwise empty road, just to annoy you, as if you aren't annoyed enough already? We're here simply to wick you right off.

Well Mr traffic light supervisor. You've succeeded.

 

I hope this explains the apparent mysterious move away from the A540.

Oh, they've moved away now have they? Strange. I'm sitting here at the lights in question typing this.

Regards

David

[Uncle Mort]

Well that's one 'calming' measure that hasn't worked. 

Deliberately turning red so as to slow down the vehicles even when there's nothing else around. 

And admitting to it. 

[Snoopy]

One of the little tricks they spend their days dreaming up in the name of "Traffic Management" ~ you can get an "ology" in that now you know. 

Did you know that in Cologne (and I suspect other German cities) if you approach traffic lights at green and drive at exactly the speed shown on the overhead matrix you will find the next set of lights are green for you too? You can actually traverse Cologne without having to stop once at traffic lights by keeping to the suggested speed. I didn't believe it when I was told but then tried it out and bugger me ~ it works.

[GROWLER]

I hasten to add that that was the genuine and unedited reply...apart from the Mr G.... I received last Thursday. Staggering admission, but just as I suspected all along.  

Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for road safety measures, if done in a thoughtful and constructive manner, but this lot really don't make sense.
The prime example, and the one that I shall be pointing out to our "Mr David traffic light supervisor of C.C.C., is that just a further 200 yds. down the road, are another set of lights contolling a junction where there have been several 'fatals', including the death of an old couple and neighbours of the MIL's, whose car was side swiped by our very own current England goalkeeper a few years ago when he played for LFC.

You could potentially, and recklessly, plough through this light controlled junction at 150 mph if you so wished, as they are not 'controlled' to turn red to (the now admitted) slow the traffic flow down.
It beggars belief, and I do wonder if they and the plod/road safety officers, have a brain cell to use between them.
This lot are 'running' (into the ground) our council ffs!!

[Nick]

Growler 

I know them well. I drove through there at about 11.00 one night last week. Empty road.Lights red. Well, it''s EPNBC innit? Numpties to a man. PM the name of the person who replied and I will call them. It could be a campaign.

The good thing is that they have been abolisehd (the council that is). We are now in West Cheshire (provisionally) and political control has completely changed. Time for some stirring. The council numpties are watching their backs (especially in Corrupt Planning)

[GROWLER]

Growler 

I know them well. I drove through there at about 11.00 one night last week. Empty road.Lights red. Well, it''s EPNBC innit? Numpties to a man. PM the name of the person who replied and I will call them. It could be a campaign.

The good thing is that they have been abolisehd (the council that is). We are now in West Cheshire (provisionally) and political control has completely changed. Time for some stirring. The council numpties are watching their backs (especially in Corrupt Planning)

I have pm'd the person in question contact details to you. It would appear to be C.C.C. though.

Please read the following first. You have been warned!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** CHESHIRE - YOUR 4 STAR COUNCIL ****

***************************************************************************
Note: This E-Mail ( that we sent to Mr GROWLER) is intended for the addressee only and may include
confidential information.

Unauthorised recipients are requested to please advise the sender immediately
by telephone and then delete the message without copying or storing it or
disclosing its contents to any other person.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~##

I've said nowt about their (finally) potentially 'confidential' ....... admission. OK?

[Nick]

F*ck em.I pay their wages!

[Uncle Mort]

Ask them why they're not a five star council while you're at it.

[GROWLER]

Growler 

I know them well. I drove through there at about 11.00 one night last week. Empty road.Lights red.

Were they on green as you approached them, THEN turn to red as you got nearer, forcing you to brake and slow down from your undoubted slow pace already? 
THIS is what they are phased to do, NOT to be on red as you approach them, which if they are trying to slow traffic down, would make far more sense imo. Totally pointless in this case anyway, because as I previously stated, there is NEVER anything coming out of this junction after the garden center and fuel station are closed (normally after about 9pm)

[Nick]

I spoke to the tit.Same response.I believe him to be an android.I am now on a crusade about a spped bump (having caught him off guard like)

[GROWLER]

Ask them why they're not a five star council while you're at it.

More like a flamin' 'black hole' than a star imo, judging by the way they can make our hard earned disappear.

[Nick]

They had money in Iceland. Wait for your CT BIll!

[GROWLER]

I spoke to the tit.Same response.I believe him to be an android.I am now on a crusade about a spped bump (having caught him off guard like)

He obviously didn't come out of university with a degree on just how to construct a letter that actually makes sense with correct grammer either.
Appauling grammer, and this post is written by a numpty with only a CSE ...(remember that useless qualification?) grade 2 in English Language.

[Nick]

The word "numpty" springs to mind!

[GROWLER]

...and there was me thinking that we were all being encouraged to save fuel to save the planet.

Keeping traffic moving at a steady pace does actually help, reducing carbon emmisions and decreasing fuel consumption due to a decrease in slowing down and then accelerating again....apart from the tiny little issue of actually saving us, the consumer, a little bit of money.
Now call me a very old cynic if you so wish, but can I possibly see a very slight ulteria (sp) motive here by HMG?
More fuel used, more fuel taxes raked in?
Possibility of a bit of two faced hypochrisy (sp again) going on? No, never.

Just as matter of interest, talking about saving fuel:

http://www.reuk.co.uk/UK-Traffic-Lights-57000-Tonnes-Of-CO2.htm