British Gas

[Nick]

That vents elsewhere, I will have you know

[Grumpmeister]

I may have to fire up The Range!

And with those fateful words the local Fire Bridage is now frantically trying to find safer jobs, like a blaze at an explosives depot to cover. 

[Nick]

My fingers have gone blue 

[Uncle Mort]

Circulation problems ~ probably to do with your chest infection.

[Nick]

My chest is perfick. The boiler is fooked!

[Grumpmeister]

I'm assuming you have electricity though? If so then start making hot drinks. As you get colder your body will restrict blood flow to the extremities in order to preserve heat in your core, hence the blueish fingers. Hot drinks will alleviate that to a degree.

[Nick]

If I stick themin the drinks like?

I am hatching a microwave plan.Heat stuff up in that and place the hot objects around the house.

PS I have now gone entirely blue. I am going out in the car for a bit of a drive,like

[Bar Wench]

Make a bloody hot water bottle for crying out loud!

[Nick]

I haven't got any rubber 

[Bar Wench]

Is there a hot water bottle in the house?

[Nick]

No

[Grumpmeister]

Make a hot Drink Nick 

[Bar Wench]

Then switch the oven on and sit in front of it. Make yourself a cup of tea and bring the duvet downstairs.

Have you got at least two pairs of socks on, a t-shirt, shirt and a jumper?

[Nick]

I want my boiler back 

[Bar Wench]

So do we Nick, so do we. But in the meantime please make yourself a cup of coffee or something.