I, Barman being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive
indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the
hands of peckerwood politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade
biology if their lives depended on it.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to
sit up and ask for a cold beer, it should be presumed that I
won't do so ever again.
When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my
spouse, children and attending physicians to pull the plug,
reel in the tubes and call it a day.
Under no circumstances shall the members of
parliment enact a special law to keep me on life-support
machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads mind their own
damn business, and pay attention instead to the health,
education and future of the millions who aren't
in a permanent coma and who nonetheless may be in need of
nourishment.
Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt
into this case. I don't care how many fundamentalist votes
they're trying to scrounge for their run for the election in
2009, it is my wish that they play politics with someone else's
life and leave me alone to die in peace.
I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots
send e-mails to newspapers in which they pretend to care about
me. I don't know these people, and I certainly haven't authorized
them to preach and/or crusade on my behalf.
They should mind their own damn business, too.
If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my
case into a political cause, I hereby promise to come back from
the grave and make his or her existence a living hell.
