Haunted smoke alarm.

[GROWLER]

Been havin' a spot of bother with one of our smoke alarms....it keeps going off at the slightest niff of cooking or even the kettle boiling. 
So I took it down and put it next to me pit to remind me to give it a good ferkling. Upon inspection, I discovered that it's 'sealed for life', and you can't even change the battery in it.
There it's remained, until 04:15 a, today, when it took upon itself to remind me it was still there.
After being rudely awaken and utterly startled by its high pitched squealing, I staggered about the bedroom until I found a suitable implement to batter and destroy it once and for all.

It's now officially dead, but now I'm a tad concerned. Don't these things contain some sort of deadly radiation within?

[Barman]

Been havin' a spot of bother with one of our smoke alarms....it keeps going off at the slightest niff of cooking or even the kettle boiling. 
So I took it down and put it next to me pit to remind me to give it a good ferkling. Upon inspection, I discovered that it's 'sealed for life', and you can't even change the battery in it.
There it's remained, until 04:15 a, today, when it took upon itself to remind me it was still there.
After being rudely awaken and utterly startled by its high pitched squealing, I staggered about the bedroom until I found a suitable implement to batter and destroy it once and for all.

It's now officially dead, but now I'm a tad concerned. Don't these things contain some sort of deadly radiation within?

Do you glow in the dark yet like...?

They do contain a tiny radioactive source but as long as you don't swallow it or anything you should be fine like...

In the meanwhile, can you step away from the bar please? Oh, and print this out and pin it on your jacket... 

[Miss Demeanour]

My doorbell did that to me the other night and scared me sh1tless.

It went off at a quarter to one in the morning. I was deep in the land of Nod and had to peel myself off the ceiling. It then went again so in my bestest bravest mode i creeped down the stairs asking in my most assertive voice who was there....

Thought I was in a horror movie...no reply .  Checked through spyhole could not see anyone. Then went into dilemma about do I open the door and then see nutter crouching down waiting to attack. So decided to creep into kitchen and look through window.

Couldn't see anything and all was very quiet. Heart was thumping and I was just stretching by the window to see if I could see anything when the ffffing doorbell went off again.

Nearly had a heart attack right there and then.

Satisified that no one was there I threw open the door and ripped the bloomin battery out of the doorbell and threw it in the bin.

Took me over an hour to get back to sleep though 

[Mrs TG]

My doorbell did that to me the other night and scared me sh1tless.

It went off at a quarter to one in the morning. I was deep in the land of Nod and had to peel myself off the ceiling. It then went again so in my bestest bravest mode i creeped down the stairs asking in my most assertive voice who was there....

Thought I was in a horror movie...no reply .  Checked through spyhole could not see anyone. Then went into dilemma about do I open the door and then see nutter crouching down waiting to attack. So decided to creep into kitchen and look through window.

Couldn't see anything and all was very quiet. Heart was thumping and I was just stretching by the window to see if I could see anything when the ffffing doorbell went off again.

Nearly had a heart attack right there and then.

Satisified that no one was there I threw open the door and ripped the bloomin battery out of the doorbell and threw it in the bin.

Took me over an hour to get back to sleep though 

Is it one of them wireless ones? as wen we moved here we had one, and next door but one did too, so when they pressed theres it rung ours! very annoying an scary at first, so we ripped it out too.

[Miss Demeanour]

Indeed it is - sorry was - one of them wireless ones ..

bloody thing 

[Uncle Mort]

Phew! There's always a rational explanation.

[GROWLER]

Indeed it is - sorry was - one of them wireless ones ..

bloody thing 

More total and utter shite modern technology. What's wrong with a good old fashioned brass knocker ey? 

Have you asked next door if they had a visitor in the early hours like?

[Snoopy]

I used to have a BMW 5 series estate (tourer they liked to call it). In a NCP one day I walked toward my car and pushed the remote unlock button. Three other cars started flashing their lights and sounding their alarms.  
I got in and legged it as fast I could, leaving the alarms going behind me.
BMW said this was not possible.

[GROWLER]

I used to have a BMW 5 series estate (tourer they liked to call it). In a NCP one day I walked toward my car and pushed the remote unlock button. Three other cars started flashing their lights and sounding their alarms.  
I got in and legged it as fast I could, leaving the alarms going behind me.
BMW said this was not possible.

I was watching the never ending repaets of TG on DAVE  last night, and clarkson demonstrated using a blip on a BMW.
Stood back about 30' and it wouldn't werk, so he held it to his head, blipped again, and it werked!

[Uncle Mort]

P'raps he's got a metal plate in his head ~ he certainly acts like it sometimes. 

[Miss Demeanour]

More total and utter shite modern technology. What's wrong with a good old fashioned brass knocker ey? 

Have you asked next door if they had a visitor in the early hours like?

No - I could quite clearly see that they didn't either and I am on an end of terrace......there was no one about - honest Guv - I am not going mad. Either it was Casper or a malfunction...... either way just very annoying (and slightly scary)

[barmisspah?]

More total and utter shite modern technology. What's wrong with a good old fashioned brass knocker ey? 

Have you asked next door if they had a visitor in the early hours like?

No - I could quite clearly see that they didn't either and I am on an end of terrace......there was no one about - honest Guv - I am not going mad. Either it was Casper or a malfunction...... either way just very annoying (and slightly scary)

Well I think you were very very brave, so there.

[Barman]

I used to have a BMW 5 series estate (tourer they liked to call it). In a NCP one day I walked toward my car and pushed the remote unlock button. Three other cars started flashing their lights and sounding their alarms.  
I got in and legged it as fast I could, leaving the alarms going behind me.
BMW said this was not possible.

I was watching the never ending repaets of TG on DAVE  last night, and clarkson demonstrated using a blip on a BMW.
Stood back about 30' and it wouldn't werk, so he held it to his head, blipped again, and it werked!

That does werk too... I've used it several times... 

[Snoopy]

In my days in security we were frequently called to deal with alarms going off in the wee small hours. Mostly they were caused by spiders in the motion detectors. Bugger to find which one had the spider in and even harder to get the sods out. Spiders would be unlikely to cause your "radio" door bell to go off but they can and do set off fire alarms. As for the door alarms and similar operated by remote radio devices there are a limited number of settings for these things due to the limits on band width and frequencies allocated by the Government. It is possible that someone elses radio controlled device (TV remote for instance) could trigger them. Distance usually precludes this but .............. my wireless intranet can pick up signals from neighbour's setups a couple of hundred of yards away, if the weather conditions are right.

[Barman]

More total and utter shite modern technology. What's wrong with a good old fashioned brass knocker ey? 

Have you asked next door if they had a visitor in the early hours like?

No - I could quite clearly see that they didn't either and I am on an end of terrace......there was no one about - honest Guv - I am not going mad. Either it was Casper or a malfunction...... either way just very annoying (and slightly scary)

What were you wearing at the time...? 
















Oh come on boys, you were all thinking it!