Moral Dilemmas

[Miss Demeanour]

One of my friends has just phoned me in pieces....yep you guess it - bloke related 

She has been with him for 2 years. They don't live together and only see each other about once a week as he is very busy at work  . He works for a well known company as their sports editor 

He had borrowed her laptop at the weekend and foolishly stored his passwords. Now fair to say she was suspicious of him before but logged onto his email account and found all the evidence she had hoped would not be there.

They had been planning a lovely christmas day together but he had to go and visit family on day a few hours away - or so she thought. Apprently he is actually filming a porn movie on Boxing day . She believes he is doing the filming rather than starring in it but it is all rather immaterial.

Dilemma -

Does she hold out til Christmas day, get her presents and then boot him out
Does she put in a false 'cv' to star in the film and then turn up on Boxing day to humiliate him publicly
Does she forward the material to his work email account where it will hit all the firewalls and filters and be investigated by the powers that be


?????

Just to complicate matters they had just put an offer in on a lovely house and were due to move in there in the New Year   

[Darwins Selection]

Women always snoop and find things to upset them.

There will be a perfectly reasonable explanation. 








Ditch him right away and put it down to experience, even from the male perspective he is a complete shite

[Snoopy]

AND what is this shite about?

Now fair to say she was suspicious of him before

. They don't live together, they are not married ~ the man is free to do what he wants ~ what suspicions has she any right to hold?

Never pry into things that belong to other people. Knowing his password is no excuse for delving into his mailbox.

On the other hand if he had put the stuff on her computer about filming porn movies etc then perhaps he was trying to tell her something.

Some people just send a fax saying Goodbye ~ other like to shift the blame for the break up to their "partners".
Personally I have always accepted the blame, be it mine or not, but then I was brought up to be a gentleman in these matters.

IMO she should tell him to sling his hook now. That she hasn't means she doesn't really want to.

[Barman]

Umm...

They didn't really have a relationship if she only saw him once a week...

Buying a house together was ridiculous under those circumstances.

I'm guessing that what will happen (whatever we or you say) is that the silly girl will forgive him and they'll be back together after Xmas...

[Miss Demeanour]

Tbh I think she was / is a complete muppet over him.

I know we've all been like that at some stage in our lives over someone or in Nick's case something ( ) , but she was given enough warning  prior to this.

But the blinkers have been well and truly in place until now. She is talking revenge but the fact that she is talking about it just means she is deferring taking any immediate action  

[Darwins Selection]

Tbh I think she was / is a complete muppet over him.

I know we've all been like that at some stage in our lives over someone or in Nick's case something ( ) , but she was given enough warning  prior to this.

But the blinkers have been well and truly in place until now. She is talking revenge but the fact that she is talking about it just means she is deferring taking any immediate action  

Take her a round couple of bottles, sit with her and be a proper mate.

Tell her more or less what you said above.

Persuade her that plotted revenge will make it worse (don't mention she is probably not bright enough to succeed)

If she still goes back to him, step away gently. .

[Snoopy]

You could also remind her that the only good thing about self pity ~ it that you know it is being done properly.

[Bar Wench]

To be fair to him, if he is just filming rather than starring is there an issue? Or are we talking porn in the home movie just for kicks sense? It may just be me but he isn't actually being unfaithful or is it the fact that he lied to her that is the problem?

[Miss Demeanour]

Take her a round couple of bottles, sit with her and be a proper mate.

Tell her more or less what you said above.

Persuade her that plotted revenge will make it worse (don't mention she is probably not bright enough to succeed)

If she still goes back to him, step away gently. .

I have said this to her today and I will be there this evening with said provisions for a repeat of the same conversation.

She has seen enough to my mind to make any necessary decisions she needs to make - but they are not my decisions they are hers. There is no point to taking any other action - does revenge ever serve the purpose you want it to anyway- it doesn't ever repair any damage to my mind just prolongs the situation. I might need to buy her an honourary axe though  

It's just the Why questions I hate????  Why did he do this...why wasn't I enough ??? etc etc etc.

He just frickin did  

[Snoopy]

To be fair to him, if he is just filming rather than starring is there an issue? Or are we talking porn in the home movie just for kicks sense? It may just be me but he isn't actually being unfaithful or is it the fact that he lied to her that is the problem?

Agreed and TBH if he is simply making/directing/operating the camera/watching the proceedings or financing the making of a porn movie that doesn't involve either him or her in "the action" he is simply earning money and possible getting a few thrills (but that is unlikely given that nobody gets involved in making such movies except for the money). Where do the lies come in? Has she ever asked him "Do you make porn movies?" and has he said that he doesn't?

[Snoopy]

Take her a round couple of bottles, sit with her and be a proper mate.

Tell her more or less what you said above.

Persuade her that plotted revenge will make it worse (don't mention she is probably not bright enough to succeed)

If she still goes back to him, step away gently. .

I have said this to her today and I will be there this evening with said provisions for a repeat of the same conversation.

She has seen enough to my mind to make any necessary decisions she needs to make - but they are not my decisions they are hers. There is no point to taking any other action - does revenge ever serve the purpose you want it to anyway- it doesn't ever repair any damage to my mind just prolongs the situation. I might need to buy her an honourary axe though  

It's just the Why questions I hate????  Why did he do this...why wasn't I enough ??? etc etc etc.

He just frickin did  

As to the why questions ~ see my quote about self pity.

[Bar Wench]

To be fair to him, if he is just filming rather than starring is there an issue? Or are we talking porn in the home movie just for kicks sense? It may just be me but he isn't actually being unfaithful or is it the fact that he lied to her that is the problem?

Agreed and TBH if he is simply making/directing/operating the camera/watching the proceedings or financing the making of a porn movie that doesn't involve either him or her in "the action" he is simply earning money and possible getting a few thrills (but that is unlikely given that nobody gets involved in making such movies except for the money). Where do the lies come in? Has she ever asked him "Do you make porn movies?" and has he said that he doesn't?

OK not so much lies as omition of detail.

[Snoopy]

Need to know basis only ~ obviously 


I mean ~ how do you say "Look darling, all this money I am about to invest in our new home ..... well it comes from a rather shady deal I'm involved in." without her going totally over the top ~ as the evidence we have shows that is exactly what she would do.

[Miss Demeanour]

To be fair to him, if he is just filming rather than starring is there an issue? Or are we talking porn in the home movie just for kicks sense? It may just be me but he isn't actually being unfaithful or is it the fact that he lied to her that is the problem?

She doesn't know the full scope of his role - but he is definately organising the whole event. He had about 10 cv's from various models explaining what they were prepared to do and not do on the day and his responses to these.

The fact that he had explained he was going to visit his dear sick mother on Boxing Day and she had offered him the use of her car so he could travel around easier I think just compounds her sense of stupiidity. From what I understand some of the emails give details of events when he has previously said he has been at work (the proper job) etc.

[Barman]

He just frickin did  

Precisely... tell her to get over it...