Appraisals

[Miss Demeanour]

It is end of financial year time and all the usual joys that this brings 

Apart from all the budget stuff that is a complete nightmare it is also appraisal time for staff 

Now this is not just a once in the yr thing with us - oh no that would be far to simple. An officer will have 4 reviews ( Initial objective setting in April, Mid year in Sept, No surprises review in January and end of yr in March).  They will have to provide evidence that they have achieved their objectives, demonstrated their competencies and can show development of their professional standards etc. It is an absolute industry in it's own right 

I have suggested that there is absolutely no point in doing these this year as we have already been told that staff will not in all likelihood have any chance of progression (increased pay) due to the economic climate. But our beloved HR have said that this is not acceptable and so go through the hoops we must.

I am now sick to death of the friggin forms and the bullshit that people speak in their interviews...if only it could be more honest .. like the following

A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.
Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.
Active socially: Drinks heavily.
Alert to company developments: An office gossip.
Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.
Average: Not too bright.
Bridge builder: Likes to compromise.
Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.
Charismatic: No interest in any opinion but his own.
Competent: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
Conscientious and careful: Scared.
Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.
Consults with supervisor often: Very annoying.
Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well.
Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.
Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.
Displays great dexterity and agility: Dodges and evades superiors well.
Enjoys job: Needs more to do.
Excels in sustaining concentration but avoids confrontations: Ignores everyone.
Excels in the effective application of skills: Makes a good cup of coffee.
Exceptionally well qualified: Has committed no major blunders to date.
Expresses self well: Can string two sentences together.

[Nick]

I used to make up the appraisals when I had staff. 

It was quicker and it didn't waste their time with shite, like

[Barman]

I used to make up the appraisals when I had staff. 

It was quicker and it didn't waste their time with shite, like

I used to absolutely hate appraisal time - what is the point...? 

[Nick]

Having made up the stuff when they first introduced appraisals at my old place of werk I was selected for 'an audit'. I presented my entirely fictional appraisal documentation (signed off by my staff in the pub) and was told (by HR, of course) that they were 'a model of how to do it' and that, with my permission the apprasial docs would be circulated to all other senior managers as an example. I graciously permitted this. 

[Barman]

Having made up the stuff when they first introduced appraisals at my old place of werk I was selected for 'an audit'. I presented my entirely fictional appraisal documentation (signed off by my staff in the pub) and was told (by HR, of course) that they were 'a model of how to do it' and that, with my permission the apprasial docs would be circulated to all other senior managers as an example. I graciously permitted this.