The first annual MPs Expenses Awards celebrates parliamentary spending, creative accounting and, above all, an ongoing commitment to getting the most out of the British taxpayer. Anyone whose greed has gone unrecognised will still be eligible for next year's awards, provided they furnish us with itemised accounts and dated receipts.
The Beautiful Gardens award John Gummer, who claimed £9,000 a year for gardening work, including £100 a year for mole removal. Dishonourable mention to Alan Duncan, who received over £4,000 in four years for gardening work, and had a further £3,194 in gardening expense claims rejected by the fees office, for less than an acre of property.
Festive award for Seasonal Spending Solicitor general Vera Baird, QC, claimed £286 for Christmas decorations, including two trees. The claims were rejected.
Strongest Bid to Displace One's Embarrassing Nickname in Favour of an Even More Embarrassing Nickname John "Two Loo Seats" Prescott, who claimed for the refitting of a loo seat twice in two years. Honorable mention to David "25 Lightbulbs" Willetts. The former "Two Brains" paid £115 plus VAT to have 25 lightbulbs changed in his west London home. Actually, we paid.
The Silver Question Mark award for an apparently innocuous detail which, on reflection, demands further explanation Phil Woolas. Tesco receipts submitted by Woolas showed that whoever paid the bill received a 10% staff discount. We need to know: does Woolas really work at Tesco, and if so, where are the vacuum cleaner bags?
The Best Excuse So Far award Jack Straw. "Accountancy does not appear to be my strongest suit," wrote the justice secretary after realising he had underpaid for his over-claims.
The Flipping Miracle award for the most second homes Margaret Moran. The maximum number of second homes, you would think, is one, but MPs have shown it's possible to "flip" this designation from a London property to a constituency home (or vice versa) in order to maximise claims on repairs or mortgage interest. Luton South MP Margaret Moran has managed to claim for three second homes in four years. After initially designating her flat in Westminster, Moran named her Luton house as her second home, enabling her to claim £2,350 for garden work and £1,823.09 on bathroom repairs. In 2008 she changed once again, this time to a seafront house in Southampton just in time to fix a nasty dry rot problem at a cost of £22,500.
Most Shamingly Frugal MP Kelvin Hopkins, MP for Luton North, who lives in the same Luton street as Margaret Moran. Hopkins doesn't have any second homes; he takes the train to London every morning. Last year his total expenses came to £1,242.
The Tory Boy award for the most stereotypically Conservative submission Oliver Letwin, who was obliged to defend expense claims for the servicing of his Aga, and for replacing a pipe under his tennis court.
