Right
1. Numpty at Glasgow Airport (met him last time).
There is a taxi rank outside arrivals. You join the queue and then when it's your turn you get in the front taxi. Simples.
Not at Glasgow Airport
There is a taxi queue supervisor in a high vis waistcoat. There being no queue I headed for the front taxi. He stops me.
'You are not in the queue'
What queue?
'Well get in that taxi then'
I was going to!
'Where are you going?'
Why do you want to know?
'Just tell me!'
So I tell him and he tells the cabby
I ask the driver WTF that was about.
He needs to know you are really going somewhere or he fines me
Why the fook would I be getting into a taxi at an airport if I didn't want to go somewhere?
2. Go to Edinburgh on Tuesday afternoon. Am booked into serviced apartment
Go to address which is about 5 mins walk from Waverley station. Ginger on reception says, 'Ah, Mr Nick. Welcome. Sign this please.'
I sign and he gives me the key. So far so good.
'And here is your map.'
MAP?
Why do I need a map?
To find the apartment.
But I am here. Look.
But the apartment isn't. It's 2 fooking miles away!!
3. Get taxi from reception to accommodation
Driver drops me at the end of a very narrow alley and indicates that flat is along there and into a courtyard.
Off I go. Sound of children's voices from courtyard. Courtyard is quite dark. Children are accompanied by two men dressed as vampires on some sort of ghosts and ghouls walking tour. I appera round a corner dressed entirely in black and wearing shades. Children become hysterical and start screaming
4. Head off to meeting in some suburb of Edinburgh. Arrive at station and call taxi. Station has 2 platforms and 2 exits. Cab arrives at exit to platform opposite mine. Cab driver and I have conversation across tracks.
'I will come over to you, or do you want to come over here?'
That would be tricky he replees
I suggest you call another taxi
Turns out that to get from one platform to the other involves a 6 mile drive on account of roadworks.
But I am talking to you. This is idiotic. He agrees and drives off
I call another taxi
