TMR's all new Bulletins from Scotland thread

[Nick]

As previously reported I detest Scotland.  

I spent an unpleasant holiday there in 1968 and made the mistake of returning in 1986 when I was shouted at by religious nutters (daily through my letter box), treated appallingly in restaurants and had my car tyres bitten by dogs.

There are too many effing Scots here buggering things up (Gordo for starters and many of his cronies)

The bastards get too much of our tax money.

Even the Romans, who managed to conquer most of the known world, recognised Scottish awfulness and just built a wall round it to keep the bastards in  

ANd lo, my new contract requires me to go to this frightful pit of a country repeatedly for about 4 years, starting on Monday.

I shall post unbiassed and objective bulletins of my experiences.    It is all going to be frightful.  

First stop: Glasgow  

[Uncle Mort]

As someone else on here often comments:

 

[Nick]

Well I have already had an argument with my hotel in Glasgow and I haven't even got there yet 

[Snoopy]

You could have said "No Thank You" to the contract 


Self inflicted wounds earn no medals around here.

[Nick]

Guaranteed work until 2012 at £500 a day plus expenses? Say no!!

The hound is barking!

[Snoopy]

A man on a train sees a pretty girl. He leans across and says "If I gave you a thousand pounds would you let me kiss you?"
"A thousand pounds ~ why yes I would" replies the girl

"If I gave you 50pence would you let me fuck you?" the man asked

"What sort of a girl do you take me for" the young lady shouted

"We have already established that" replied the man "We are now negotiating the price"


Seems that no matter how strongly you feel about Scotland and the Scots you can be bought if the price is right.

Tell me ~ how is that so different from the way the MPs are grabbing whatever they can from the taxpayer?

[Nick]

The contract is funded via the Scottish Government

I am liberating some of our tax money 

[Bar Wench]

Well is that not what hounds do?

Look at it this way, it may indeed be a cesspit but is it more of an irritation than being at home?
There are times when I'd rather be in the nineth cirlce of hell than at home!

[Uncle Mort]

The contract is funded via the Scottish Government

I am liberating some of our tax money 

Thanks ~ I'll let you know where to send my share.

[Pastis]

Well, it should be an interesting challenge; they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, or words to that effect  

I've only turned down a couple of contracts in my time; one was clearly a criminal venture and the other looked like it might seriously damage my mental health.  

[Nick]

Well is that not what hounds do?

Look at it this way, it may indeed be a cesspit but is it more of an irritation than being at home?
There are times when I'd rather be in the nineth cirlce of hell than at home!

Being away from home at present is one of the better aspects of this task! 

[Nick]

Well, it should be an interesting challenge; they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, or words to that effect  

I've only turned down a couple of contracts in my time; one was clearly a criminal venture and the other looked like it might seriously damage my mental health.  

I did one a year or so ago that actually did damage my mental health. The (London) outfit who are running this one are quite nice people. Lancaster University, who also seem to have a hand  in it, are, on the other hand, arseholes. 

[Snoopy]

Guaranteed work until 2012 at £500 a day plus expenses? Say no!!

The hound is barking!

Expenses like train fares? Will you be telling them about the cash back deal and reducing your claim accordingly or simply charging them the advertised train fare?

[Nick]

I see the hound has his teeth in today. Good point. I must think about that. 

I have thought about it. I shall keep the cashback! 

I spent £800 on flghts and hotels off my own credit card. The bastards have not yet reimbursed me 

[Uncle Mort]

I was going to say that Snoopy has Nick on the ropes but it now looks like a self-inflicted knockout.