Hat, coat...

[GROWLER]

Once upon a time, a guy asked a beautiful girl 'Will you marry me?'   

The girl said, 'NO!'   

And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and passed wind whenever he wanted.

           The end

[Just One More]

A tall muscular man walks into a bar and a lady recognises him as a famous rugby player. They start to talk, share a few drinks and eventualy go back to her place and start to kiss, soon she takes off his shirt. He's got REEBOK tatooed on his arm. "Whats that for?" she asks.
"Thats for when I'm on TV, when people see it, Reebok pay me". He takes off his trousers and she sees he has NIKE tatooed on his leg. "What's that for? she asks
"Same as Reebok, I get paid when people see it on TV" he says. As she drops to her knees she sees he has AIDS tatooed on his penis, "oh my god, don't tell me you've got aids" she screams
"No, calm down lady, if you suck on it a bit, it says ADIDAS

[Barman]

A tall muscular man walks into a bar and a lady recognises him as a famous rugby player. They start to talk, share a few drinks and eventualy go back to her place and start to kiss, soon she takes off his shirt. He's got REEBOK tatooed on his arm. "Whats that for?" she asks.
"Thats for when I'm on TV, when people see it, Reebok pay me". He takes off his trousers and she sees he has NIKE tatooed on his leg. "What's that for? she asks
"Same as Reebok, I get paid when people see it on TV" he says. As she drops to her knees she sees he has AIDS tatooed on his penis, "oh my god, don't tell me you've got aids" she screams
"No, calm down lady, if you suck on it a bit, it says ADIDAS

See also, nurses, Susan and Saskatchewan... 

[Tipsy Gipsy]

Judy married Ted; they had 13 children.
Ted died.

She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children.

Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later.

Judy remarried again,

  ,.... and this time, she & John had 5 more children.

Judy finally died, after having 25 children.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.

He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,
"Lord, they are finally together."

Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret:

"Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?"

Margaret replied:....
]
]
]
]
]
]
]
]
]
]
]
]
"I think he means her legs, Ethel...."

[Nick]

 

[Tipsy Gipsy]

 

[Snoopy]

Humour him Tipsy ..... It's one of his little pleasures

[Just One More]

Murphy's' old lady had been  pregnant for some time and now the time had come. He brought her to the  doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said. 'Hey,  Murph! You just had you a son,!
'Ain't dat grand, !!' Murphy got excited by this, but just then the doctor  spoke up and said, 'Hold on! We ain't  finished  yet, !'. The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, 'Hey, Murph! You got you a  daughter, !!!! She is a pretty lil ting, too....'
Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, 'Hold on, we  aint got done yet, !' The doctor then delivered another boy and said,  Murph, you just had  yourself another boy, !'
Murphy said to the doctor, 'Doc, what caused all of dem  babies,?'
The doctor said, 'You never know Murph, it was probably something that happened during  conception.'
Murphy said, 'Ah yeah, during conception.'

When Murph and his wife went home with their three  children, he sat down with his wife and said, 'Mama, you remember dat night  that we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil.'
She said, 'Yeah, I  remember dat night...'

Murph said, 'I'll tell you, ......it's a  f”” kin' good ting we didn't use WD-40

[Pirate]

 

or even Castrol 20W-50

[Barman]

 

[Just One More]

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big  and he explained, "Lord have mercy!  I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband,  that's against the law?  I'll lose my licence!  They'll throw both of us in jail!  All kinds of bad things will happen.  Absolutely not!  You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription

[Barman]

 

[Just One More]

The year is 2222 and after accumulating enough frequent flier miles, Mike and Maureen land on Mars. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen.
"Pretty much the way you do," responds the Martian. Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and         experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie cock - about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.
"I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.
''Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"
"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his cock grows until it's quite impressively long. "Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it looks like a long pencil, it's still pretty narrow...."
''No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his cock grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman. "Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways. As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was damn good. How about you?"
"It was horrible," he replies. "All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."

[Barman]

[groan] 

[Just One More]

The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.' As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything. People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.' Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'
She answered















'THE TEETH.'