Hat, coat...

[Just One More]

What a bargain!

Nowt wrong with slightly damaged TVs, I just bought a 50" Bang and Olufsen TV with a broken volume button for a tenner.
I couldn't turn it down

[apc2010]

What a bargain!

Nowt wrong with slightly damaged TVs, I just bought a 50" Bang and Olufsen TV with a broken volume button for a tenner.
I couldn't turn it down

 

[Barman]

What a bargain!

Nowt wrong with slightly damaged TVs, I just bought a 50" Bang and Olufsen TV with a broken volume button for a tenner.
I couldn't turn it down

 

[Just One More]

After becoming depressed me and my wife planned a joint suicide. However strangely once she had killed herself things started looking up.




I saw an advert in the paper yesterday, "Yacht for sale" As if people don't know what a yacht's for.

[Just One More]

Sean Connery returns home to find all of his electrical equipment gone and his car replaced with a horse and trap.
"Shomething is Amish here", he thought.

[Darwins Selection]

Sean Connery returns home to find all of his electrical equipment gone and his car replaced with a horse and trap.
"Shomething is Amish here", he thought.

[Barman]

After becoming depressed me and my wife planned a joint suicide. However strangely once she had killed herself things started looking up.

I saw an advert in the paper yesterday, "Yacht for sale" As if people don't know what a yacht's for.

 

[bodiam]

After becoming depressed me and my wife planned a joint suicide. However strangely once she had killed herself things started looking up.

[Just One More]

I've just lost the money for my wife's epilepsy prescription in the bookies. She'll have a fit when she finds out.

[apc2010]

I've just lost the money for my wife's epilepsy prescription in the bookies. She'll have a fit when she finds out.

 

[Barman]

I've just lost the money for my wife's epilepsy prescription in the bookies. She'll have a fit when she finds out.

[Just One More]

William and Larry got married in California . They couldn't afford a honeymoon so, they go back to William's Mom and Dad's house for their first married night together.
In the morning, Johnny, William's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if William and Larry are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!   Just go to school.'

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are William and Larry up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school '

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
'Are William and Larry up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'OK, now tell me what you think.'
He says: 'Last night William came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...... I gave him my airplane glue.'

[Barman]

William and Larry got married in California . They couldn't afford a honeymoon so, they go back to William's Mom and Dad's house for their first married night together.
In the morning, Johnny, William's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if William and Larry are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!   Just go to school.'

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are William and Larry up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school '

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
'Are William and Larry up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'OK, now tell me what you think.'
He says: 'Last night William came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...... I gave him my airplane glue.'

 

[Just One More]

Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!
 

A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."
 

Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.
 

19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?" Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over."

[Barman]

Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!
 
Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.