Author Topic: Hat, coat...  (Read 439236 times)

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Offline Just One More

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #375 on: February 14, 2012, 10:22:41 PM »
 lol:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Just One More

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #376 on: February 21, 2012, 11:17:13 PM »
I bought the wife a fur coat made out of 3,600 hamster skins and took her to Blackpool...

Couldn't get the fucker off the Big Wheel for 2 days!
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #377 on: February 22, 2012, 05:50:28 AM »
I bought the wife a fur coat made out of 3,600 hamster skins and took her to Blackpool...

Couldn't get the fucker off the Big Wheel for 2 days!

 drumroll:

 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #378 on: March 24, 2012, 11:51:01 PM »
Police have raided Kermit the Frog's lily pad today & found 1,000's of naked pictures of Miss Piggy.
 
A spokesman said it was the worst case of Frogs Porn they have ever seen
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Snoopy

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #379 on: March 25, 2012, 07:53:23 AM »
<GROAN>
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #380 on: March 25, 2012, 02:53:53 PM »
Have you been injured?

Had a car accident?

Fell over on a wet floor at work?

Or tripped on an uneven curb?

If so.. .

Sort yourself out you're clumsy twat Nick.


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I have always thought that the worst thing about drowning was having to call 'help!' You must look such a fool. It's put me against drowning.
J Basil Boothroyd

Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #381 on: March 25, 2012, 03:11:16 PM »
Have you been injured?

Had a car accident?

Fell over on a wet floor at work?

Or tripped on an uneven curb?

If so.. .

Sort yourself out you're clumsy twat Nick.


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happy001
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Offline Nick

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #382 on: March 25, 2012, 05:18:05 PM »
 sad32:
Warning: May contain Skub
Cat sitter extraordinaire
Semi-professional crocodile

Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #383 on: March 25, 2012, 06:47:59 PM »
Mohammed entered his classroom on the first day of school.

“What’s your name?” asked the teacher.”Mohammed,” he replied. “You’re in Britain now,” replied the teacher, “So from now on you will be known as Kevin.”

Mohammed returned home after school. “How was your day, Mohammed?” his mother asked. “My name is not Mohammed. I’m in Britain and now my name is Kevin.”

His mother screamed “Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonour your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!” and she beat him. Then she called his father, who beat him again.

The next day Mohammed returned to school. The teacher saw his bruises and asked  “What happened to you, Kevin?” 

“Well ma’am, shortly after becoming British, I was attacked by two fuckin’ Pakis”

happy001
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Offline Nick

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #384 on: March 25, 2012, 06:50:53 PM »
AFFS  cussing:
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Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #385 on: March 25, 2012, 06:52:14 PM »
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #386 on: April 02, 2012, 07:17:56 PM »
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor. "Not a chance" she said... "He won't even take an aspirin".
"Not a problem" replied the doctor. "Give him an 'Irish Viagra'".
"What's Irish Viagra?" she asked.
"It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went".

It was a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!"
"Really!? What happened?" asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arms, he sent me cups and saucers flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately right there on the table top! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"

"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?"
"Freakin' jaysus, it was the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #387 on: April 02, 2012, 07:46:30 PM »
AFFS!
"Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end." 

Well, someone had to say it!

Offline Barman

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Offline apc2010

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #389 on: April 06, 2012, 08:34:16 AM »
"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Don't fuck around, Buzz. Who the hell do you think it is?"

"Sorry, Neil.