Hat, coat...

[Darwins Selection]

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?


Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP????

 

Groucho Marks circa 1900

It wasn't Wright but a Welsh signalman called "Level Evans" who was not hanging when I first heard it in the 50's. 

[Snoopy]

Yup! That's the version I know DS 

[Darwins Selection]

Yup! That's the version I know DS 

And the kids today never believe us when we tell them how hard things were back then. 

[Grumpmeister]

Probably going to be an affs but bugger it, I heard it on the train earlier.

According to recent research we are most likely to die of the same thing our grandfather did.
I'm going to be keeping a bloody close eye out for German snipers then.   


 

[Barman]

Probably going to be an affs but bugger it, I heard it on the train earlier.

According to recent research we are most likely to die of the same thing our grandfather did.
I'm going to be keeping a bloody close eye out for German snipers then.   


 

I want to die in my sleep like my dad.... 

Not screaming in fear like all the passengers on his bus!

etc. 

[Nick]

 

[Pirate]

[Just One More]

Duck goes into a bar and says to the Barman ''Got any bread?''
''No''
''Got any bread?''
''No''
''Got any bread?''
''No''
''Got any bread?''
''NO!, and if you ask me again I'll nail your feckin beak to the bar you annoying little bastard!!''
''Got any nails?''
''NO!''

''Got any bread?''

[Barman]

Duck goes into a bar and says to the Barman ''Got any bread?''
''No''
''Got any bread?''
''No''
''Got any bread?''
''No''
''Got any bread?''
''NO!, and if you ask me again I'll nail your feckin beak to the bar you annoying little bastard!!''
''Got any nails?''
''NO!''

''Got any bread?''

[Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)]

Duck goes into a bar and says to the Barman ''Got any bread?''
''No''
''Got any bread?''
''No''
''Got any bread?''
''No''
''Got any bread?''
''NO!, and if you ask me again I'll nail your feckin beak to the bar you annoying little bastard!!''
''Got any nails?''
''NO!''

''Got any bread?''

AFFFS

[Barman]

Shamelessly stolen from here.

[Just One More]

I was gonna post that

OH's posts are rare these days, at one point I thought they's done a David Kelly on him (no, not the Irish actor)

[Just One More]

Just been to pets at home to by a gold fish, the assistant asked me " Do you want an aquarium ?" i replied " Im not bothered what star sign it is !"

[Barman]

Just been to pets at home to by a gold fish, the assistant asked me " Do you want an aquarium ?" i replied " Im not bothered what star sign it is !"

 

[Uncle Mort]

For Nick (and other Trekkies)