Hat, coat...

[Just One More]

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.. The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?'
She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'
The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'
She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'
The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a fertility candle for ye and yer hoosband.'
She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father...'
They then parted ways..

Some years later they met again. The Father asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?'
She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'
The Father asked, 'And tell me , have ye any wee ones yet?'
She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Two sets of twins and six singles, ten in all!'
The Father said, 'That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?'


She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle.'

[Barman]

 

[Uncle Mort]

"Doctor, doctor I can see nine years in to the future"

"yes, you've got 20 20 vision"

[Snoopy]

<Groan>

[Barman]

 

[Uncle Mort]

Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco. Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.

Police stop a Pakistani in his transit van on the motorway. Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 70?". The driver leans into the back and says "hear that - 3 of you have got to get out".

4 Illegal immigrants suffocated in the back of a Tesco lorry last night. Every little helps.

Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them. "Bollocks to that", said Paddy, "That's the last time I go lion dancing"

63 Pakistanis died in Bradford this morning. It was not a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed. The police are blaming AL IKEA .

Scientists have revealed today that they have found a new drug for depressed lesbians. It's called Trydixagain

[Barman]

Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco. Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.

Police stop a Pakistani in his transit van on the motorway. Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 70?". The driver leans into the back and says "hear that - 3 of you have got to get out".

4 Illegal immigrants suffocated in the back of a Tesco lorry last night. Every little helps.

Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them. "Bollocks to that", said Paddy, "That's the last time I go lion dancing"

63 Pakistanis died in Bradford this morning. It was not a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed. The police are blaming AL IKEA .

Scientists have revealed today that they have found a new drug for depressed lesbians. It's called Trydixagain

[The Moan Ranger]

I bought a cod fillet, and found a strangely-shaped bone in it.

It did look out of plaice. 

[The Moan Ranger]

You don't see many jokes about Bulimia these days. Makes me sick.

[Miss Demeanour]

I bought a cod fillet, and found a strangely-shaped bone in it.

It did look out of plaice. 

Be very ashamed 

[Just One More]

I've just booked tickets for an Elvis tribute act, by a phone service
I had to press 1 for the money, 2 for the show....

Alright, alright, I'm going 

[Barman]

I've just booked tickets for an Elvis tribute act, by a phone service
I had to press 1 for the money, 2 for the show....

Alright, alright, I'm going 

 

[Snoopy]

I've just booked tickets for an Elvis tribute act, by a phone service
I had to press 1 for the money, 2 for the show....

Alright, alright, I'm going 

And so you should!

[Miss Demeanour]

I've just booked tickets for an Elvis tribute act, by a phone service
I had to press 1 for the money, 2 for the show....

Alright, alright, I'm going 

You can't spend too much time with JOM you say 

 

[The Moan Ranger]

A 91 year old woman has taken up belly dancing. Which is unusual because 91 year old's normally prefer hip op.