Hat, coat...

[Just One More]

I took 2 stuffed dogs onto Antiques Roadshow. 'Oohh ' said the presenter 'these are a very rare breed, do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?'

'Sticks?', I replied.

[apc2010]

I took 2 stuffed dogs onto Antiques Roadshow. 'Oohh ' said the presenter 'these are a very rare breed, do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?'

'Sticks?', I replied.

 

[Barman]

I took 2 stuffed dogs onto Antiques Roadshow. 'Oohh ' said the presenter 'these are a very rare breed, do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?'

'Sticks?', I replied.

 

[Just One More]

What's the difference between a Kangaroo and a Kangaroot? Ones an Australian Marsupial,  the others a Geordie stuck in a lift.     




The Mrs just told me, she'd rather go on holiday ALONE to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogochuchaf, rather than go abroad with me.

I don't know how she can say that.

[Barman]

 

[Just One More]

Justin Bieber is playing in Hammersmith tonight.

He's on the roundabout at the moment but he's eyeing up the climbing frame as I type

[Just One More]

[Barman]

[Just One More]

A group of primary school children go on a trip to Ascot races to learn about horses.
When it's time to go to the toilets it is decided that the girls will go with one lady teacher and the boys with another. The teacher assigned to the boys is waiting outside when one of the boys comes out to tell her that none of them can reach the urinal.
Having no choice, she goes inside and helps the boys with their pants and begins hoisting the boys up one by one, holding their willies to direct the flow.
As she lifts one boy she can't help but notice that he is unusually well-endowed. Trying not to stare she says,
''You must be in year four.''

''No love, I'm riding Silver Shadow in the 2 15!''

[Barman]

 

[Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)]

An oldie, but goodie.   

[apc2010]

The Chinese have one of the fastest swimmers in the world?

Now wait just a cockle picking minute here......

[Barman]

The Chinese have one of the fastest swimmers in the world?

Now wait just a cockle picking minute here......

[Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)]

Ah, but even she can't swim in oozing mud!

[Barman]

A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need at home.

1st kid says "A computer".

Teacher replies "That'd be very useful."

2nd kid says "a new lawn mower" and gets a similar response.

Little Johnny pops up and says "  At my house we don't need nuthin."

The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something.

Little Johnny replies, "Nope I'm sure! When my sister started dating a Muslim,

I remember Dad saying, ………………

 

"Well, that's the last fucking thing we need."