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Author Topic: Hat, coat...  (Read 440354 times)

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Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #690 on: January 28, 2013, 04:16:43 PM »
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Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #691 on: January 28, 2013, 04:22:16 PM »
An Irish couple froze to death queuing outside the cinema, waiting to see 'Closed for Winter'.
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Offline miss Tchevious

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #692 on: January 28, 2013, 04:30:55 PM »
 lol: lol: that's better
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Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #693 on: January 29, 2013, 12:14:24 PM »
Churchill wasn't black, but he was the last white man to be called Winston.
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Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #694 on: January 29, 2013, 12:17:24 PM »
I know this is AFFS (I think TMR posted it) but...

He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forwards, then backwards, forward, then backwards again....back and forth...back and forth...in and out....in and out...

She could feel the sweat on her forehead and between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back, she was getting near to the end...

Her heart was pounding...

Her face was flushed...

Then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder...

Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted, "OK, OK! I CAN'T park the fucking car!

You do it, you SMUG bastard!"
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Offline apc2010

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #695 on: February 02, 2013, 01:23:30 PM »
Lorry full of fireworks explodes in china killing 26.....


The driver can expect a rocket from his boss for that...
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Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #696 on: February 02, 2013, 01:50:39 PM »
Quote from: apc2010 on February 02, 2013, 01:23:30 PM
Lorry full of fireworks explodes in china killing 26.....


The driver can expect a rocket from his boss for that...

 lol:
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Offline apc2010

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #697 on: February 03, 2013, 11:34:36 AM »
As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden’s funeral, a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"


 The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters "Too late pal, the paperwork’s already done".......
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Offline Baldy

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #698 on: February 03, 2013, 11:59:23 AM »
Quote from: apc2010 on February 03, 2013, 11:34:36 AM
As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden’s funeral, a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"


 The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters "Too late pal, the paperwork’s already done".......

 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #699 on: February 03, 2013, 02:33:09 PM »
Quote from: apc2010 on February 03, 2013, 11:34:36 AM
As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden’s funeral, a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"


 The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters "Too late pal, the paperwork’s already done".......

happy001
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Offline apc2010

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #700 on: February 06, 2013, 07:38:07 PM »
The author of the book "Childish Retorts" died today.

RIP Ewan Whosarmy............. redface:
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Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #701 on: February 06, 2013, 07:38:41 PM »
Quote from: apc2010 on February 06, 2013, 07:38:07 PM
The author of the book "Childish Retorts" died today.

RIP Ewan Whosarmy............. redface:

 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Baldy

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #702 on: February 06, 2013, 07:48:20 PM »
Quote from: apc2010 on February 06, 2013, 07:38:07 PM
The author of the book "Childish Retorts" died today.

RIP Ewan Whosarmy............. redface:

 lol: lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #703 on: February 06, 2013, 11:33:23 PM »
Lady: Do you smoke?
Man: Yes
Lady: How many packs a day?
Man: 3 packs
Lady: How much per pack
Man: £5.00
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Man: 30 years
Lady: So 1 pack cost £5.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at £450. In one year, it would be £5,400 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: If in 1 year you spend £5,400 not accounting for inflation, the past 30 years puts your spending at £162,000 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 30 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you smoke?
Lady: No
Man: Where's your fooking Ferrari then?
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Offline Baldy

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #704 on: February 07, 2013, 06:43:46 AM »
Quote from: Just One More on February 06, 2013, 11:33:23 PM
Lady: Do you smoke?
Man: Yes
Lady: How many packs a day?
Man: 3 packs
Lady: How much per pack
Man: £5.00
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Man: 30 years
Lady: So 1 pack cost £5.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at £450. In one year, it would be £5,400 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: If in 1 year you spend £5,400 not accounting for inflation, the past 30 years puts your spending at £162,000 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 30 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you smoke?
Lady: No
Man: Where's your fooking Ferrari then?

 lol: lol: lol:
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