Hat, coat...

[Barman]

Americans are great at proving stereotypes with their government,

They put a Texan in charge and they went looking for oil......

They placed a black man in charge,

now it's run out of money and it's stopped working........

 

Wot is up wiv your eyes like....? 

[Baldy]

Americans are great at proving stereotypes with their government,

They put a Texan in charge and they went looking for oil......

They placed a black man in charge,

now it's run out of money and it's stopped working........

 

[The Moan Ranger]

The moon landing is probably fake.

With no oil and innocent children to kill, why would the Americans go there?

[Barman]

The moon landing is probably fake.

With no oil and innocent children to kill, why would the Americans go there?

 

[Baldy]

The moon landing is probably fake.

With no oil and innocent children to kill, why would the Americans go there?

 

[Just One More]

A body-builder was admiring his body in the mirror when he noticed he was sun tanned everywhere but his penis. So, he went to the beach, naked, and buried himself in the sand with only his penis sticking out. Two elderly ladies walked by and saw this penis sticking out of the sand. One of them moved it around with her cane. She said to her friend, "There isn't any justice in this world." Her friend asked her what she meant.
"When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I demanded it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. And now that I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat

[Barman]

A body-builder was admiring his body in the mirror when he noticed he was sun tanned everywhere but his penis. So, he went to the beach, naked, and buried himself in the sand with only his penis sticking out. Two elderly ladies walked by and saw this penis sticking out of the sand. One of them moved it around with her cane. She said to her friend, "There isn't any justice in this world." Her friend asked her what she meant.
"When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I demanded it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. And now that I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat

 

[Just One More]

A major hurricane is about to hit India, so if anyone needs to call their bank or cable/internet company, do it soon.

[Steve]

A body-builder was admiring his body in the mirror when he noticed he was sun tanned everywhere but his penis. So, he went to the beach, naked, and buried himself in the sand with only his penis sticking out. Two elderly ladies walked by and saw this penis sticking out of the sand. One of them moved it around with her cane. She said to her friend, "There isn't any justice in this world." Her friend asked her what she meant.
"When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I demanded it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. And now that I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat

 

[Barman]

A major hurricane is about to hit India, so if anyone needs to call their bank or cable/internet company, do it soon.

 

[apc2010]

Prison is apparently only one star away from being a Butlins holiday camp....




I wonder who it will be..........

[Barman]

Prison is apparently only one star away from being a Butlins holiday camp....




I wonder who it will be..........

 

[Nick]

Did Jimmy Saville ever go to Portugal? 

[Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)]

User: My usual password is not working suddenly, why?

Website chat assistant: Your password has expired - you must register a
new one.

User: Why do I need a new one as that one was working fine?

Website: You must get a new one as they automatically expire every 30 days.

User: Can I use the old one and just re-register it?

Website: No, you must get a new one.

User: I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember.

Website: Sorry, you must get a new one.

User: OK, roses

Website: Sorry you must use more letters.

User: Pretty roses

Website: You must use at least one number.

User: 1 pretty rose

Website: You cannot use blank spaces.

User: 1prettyrose

Website: You must use additional letters.

User: 1****ingprettyrose

Website: You must use at least one capital letter.

User: 1****INGprettyrose

Website: You cannot use more than one capital letter in a row.

User: 1****ingprettyrose

Website: You must use additional letters.

User: 1****ingprettyroseshovedupyourassifyoudon'tgivemeaccessright****ingnow

Website: Sorry, that password is already being used.


(Shamelessly nicked from elsewhere . . .)

[Nick]

AFFS