Author Topic: Hat, coat...  (Read 438957 times)

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Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #4305 on: June 13, 2022, 05:53:35 AM »
A friend of mine was wounded with a starting pistol..........




Police think it's a race related crime............... whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Grumpmeister

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #4306 on: June 13, 2022, 01:47:47 PM »


 redface:
The universe is run by the complex interweaving of three elements. Energy, matter, and enlightened self-interest.

Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #4307 on: June 13, 2022, 01:48:35 PM »
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Offline Steve

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Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Grumpmeister

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #4309 on: June 13, 2022, 02:20:04 PM »
Thought for the day: For years cats have wondered why soda cans/bottles yell FUCK OFF!! when they are first opened.

 redface:
The universe is run by the complex interweaving of three elements. Energy, matter, and enlightened self-interest.

Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #4310 on: June 13, 2022, 02:32:52 PM »
Thought for the day: For years cats have wondered why soda cans/bottles yell FUCK OFF!! when they are first opened.

 redface:

 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Steve

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #4311 on: June 13, 2022, 04:14:46 PM »
Thought for the day: For years cats have wondered why soda cans/bottles yell FUCK OFF!! when they are first opened.

 redface:

 lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #4312 on: June 14, 2022, 02:05:28 PM »
It’s recently been discovered that Anne Boleyn had a brother called Tenpin.
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Offline Steve

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #4313 on: June 14, 2022, 03:46:13 PM »
It’s recently been discovered that Anne Boleyn had a brother called Tenpin.
lol:
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Steve

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #4314 on: June 15, 2022, 07:46:24 PM »
They say that being a hostage is hard and mentally draining but...

I reckon I could do it with my hands tied behind my back.
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Just One More

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #4315 on: June 15, 2022, 07:58:22 PM »
They say that being a hostage is hard and mentally draining but...

I reckon I could do it with my hands tied behind my back.

 lol:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #4316 on: June 16, 2022, 07:49:21 AM »
They say that being a hostage is hard and mentally draining but...

I reckon I could do it with my hands tied behind my back.

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Offline Grumpmeister

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #4317 on: June 16, 2022, 11:33:50 AM »
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.

When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."

 redface:
The universe is run by the complex interweaving of three elements. Energy, matter, and enlightened self-interest.

Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #4318 on: June 16, 2022, 11:45:32 AM »
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.

When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."

 redface:

Jimmy Tarbuck will want royalties for that... ::)
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Offline Grumpmeister

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #4319 on: June 16, 2022, 12:04:09 PM »
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.

When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."

 redface:

Jimmy Tarbuck will want royalties for that... ::)

Must be before my time..  whistle:
The universe is run by the complex interweaving of three elements. Energy, matter, and enlightened self-interest.