I looked over Michael Caine's garden wall the other day and the grass was about 6ft high.
I thought "Not a lot of people mow that."
I was checking my home contents insurance last night and was shocked to find if someone stole my duvet during the night, I wouldn't be covered!
A man walks into the library and asks "Do you have any books about coincidences?"
The librarian says, "As a matter of fact, this one's just arrived.”
I cant believe the wallpaper shop down the road has been robbed for the 5th time,The owner says he's starting to see a pattern emerging
I've got a job playing the triangle in a reggae band , I don't have much to do ,just the occasional ting.
Was at the airport earlier and someone fainted and fell onto the baggage carousel, they are coming around slowly
Just reading that there's a small island off the coast of Italy which is inhabited by 5 million Sicilian people. Five million Sicilian, That's the biggest number I've ever heard."
Went to the doctors yesterday suffering from premature ejaculation.
Doctor said. "This must be very stressful for your wife.
I said, "To be honest it's getting on her tits.
Did you know it's the National Innuendo Championship next weekend in Birmingham.
I'm thinking of entering the wife.
Germaine Greer is better at ventriloquism than her brother, Göttler.
The French ruler twanging championship is being held in the Dordogne Region.
Did you hear about the cross eyed circumciser? He got the sack
I went in to a library and asked "do you Have any books on paranoia"
The librarian replied "why do you want one", "and who told you we have them"
