Paddy calls Ryanair to book a flight. The operator asks "How many people will be travelling with you?" Paddy replies "i don't know, it's your bloody plane!"
A teenager asks his gran "have you seen my pills, they're marked LSD?" his gran replies "forget your pills, have you seen the size of that dragon in the kitchen?"
Women: Don't waste your energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't care less anyway and you can use the saved energy to vacuum the house afterwards.
Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books;simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.
Recession-busting tip : Make your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of toothpaste to dry on the window sill. Use striped toothpaste to make humbugs.
