What can you carry on a train ?

[Miss Demeanour]

I travelled down to Somerset yesterday by train. I had my reserved seats , discounted fares (family railcard etc) and booked well in advance hence it was relatively cheap and uncomplicated ( Nick I can provide tutoring on booking for things online at the best rates if required  )

Ok so you would think it is going to be busy...it was after all a bank holiday weekend , the start of half term , the sun had come out etc but the train was absolutley heaving.  I did of course observe this from the luxury of reserved table seats whilst watching a DVD on the laptop with The Brat. What completely astounded me was what some people were trying to carry on a train ..knowing it was going to be packed 

Ok so there was the plethora of prams ( that were obviously too difficult to collapse or that the precious cargo couldn't be disturbed as they were sleeping ), baby carrying devices etc ...but 1 woman was determined to park her 4x4 double buggy with all terrain suspension in the aisle area just before the buffet carriage . What planet was she on  . Could she be any more friggin awkward 

I can accept that people have to bring their prams and that but then we come onto the bike brigade. What the feck is the policy about carrying bikes on trains anymore. It seemed that there was some kind of cyclists convention getting on . The guard threw a complete strop and announced that we wouldn't be going any further until the bikes had been removed and stored in a certain carriage ...but that was actually now full. 

You can imagine the argument - in the end several of them had to get off the train with their bike and wait for the next train ( which I presume they weren't booked on   - good luck with that ).

Then to top it all off there were a group of surfers complete with boards, Billabong shorts and sun dyed hair. they decided it would be easiest to park their boards just outside the toilets and by the groups of disgruntled passengers that were being forced to stand as the train was - guess what - full 

I had my headphones plugged in most of the time and just watched the scene play itself over and over again  - but what are the rules about bringing bikes and things on a train   -or is it all down to the discretion of the train company 

[Snoopy]

I believe that the guard has the ultimate say about numbers of cycles but the usual limit is three and they MUST travel in the guards van ~ or at least that used to be the rule. It may of course vary from Company to Company now that we no longer have a national rail travel provider but the truth is that most people are so self centred that they cannot conceive of their actions being in anyway offensive or inconvenient to others.

Cyclists, unfortunately, rank high among the "I'm entitled to be here and f*ck everyone else" brigade. What never seems to get published are the real figures about accidents involving cyclists. We get plenty of "Cyclist killed on way to work by car driver who also owns a mobile 'phone" but we never seem to see "Pedestrian injured by cyclist speeding illegally on the footpath" or "Cyclist injured after failing to hear warning because of deafening music being played through their personal MP3/iPlayer etc" or even "Cyclist killed because he/she rode straight through a red light in the belief that the Highway Code does not apply to those using pedal power".

Surfers are a law unto themselves ~ they are not of this world and should be given a wide berth ..... preferably on the next ship to Australia.


Quick cyclist story ~ I used to run a pub in the New Forest. During the summer we frequently had groups of the lycra clad fools, sweat pouring from them, come into the bar and order a round of drinks (usually halves of shandy, orange squash etc) they would then group themselves around one table, drawing stools/chairs from other tables with the "Is anyone using this?" question. They would then proceed to (i) discuss the morning's ride in detail (ii) Discuss the afternoon's route home (Try going back the same way you tossers") and then the ultimate insult to any landlord (iii) they would get out their little packets of sandwiches and proceed to eat them IN THE BAR where we were serving lunches. They even had the nerve to ask for salt/pepper and on one occasion tomato ketchup.
After several such experiences anyone wearing lycra who came into the bar was immediately ordered out! They tried to argue but I relied upon my local rugby team to evict them for me if they got stroppy. One such was flung bodily across the car park and his cycle followed him. When the police arrived, called by him, 27 citizens including a local JP swore blind that they had never set eyes on the man.

[Nick]

Wot guards van?

[Miss Demeanour]

After several such experiences anyone wearing lycra who came into the bar was immediately ordered out!

Agreed - lycra is such an unforgiving material 

[Nick]

Speaks the woman recently back from visiting BM 

[Snoopy]

Wot guards van?

The one they used to carry the mail in ~ but that all goes by road now. I did add the caveat about the days when we had a National Rail Company and not a lot of different ones all with their own rools.
Full details for those who cannot or do not drive can be found http://www.nationalrail.co.uk/passenger_services/cyclists.html